.t h i r t y f o u r.

I always love to write something as I begin another orbit around the sun. I turned 34 on Tuesday this, whoa! This year held so much movement for me I wanted to journey the year again to remember it all, here it is.

My 33rd year was a wild ride of adventure - travel - big questions - dead end roads - unplanned journeys and new layers of awareness!!

IDAHO

I started my year last April celebrating my birthday in the mountain town of Ketchum, Idaho nestled at the foot of the Sawtooth Mountains. I lived in Ketchum for 9 months working at a Community Health Educator with Planned Parenthood. Most of my time was spent teaching puberty and sexuality education to middle and high school students at both the public and private schools. The experience was challenging and isolating but also allowed a flexibility to explore the amazing nature around me. The Wood River Valley is one of the most beautiful places I have ever lived. The foothills are blanketed with sagebrush and having grown up in the high desert of Central Washington I always feel at home where sagebrush grows. The position lost most of its funding and with fall approaching I decided to head back east for holiday art shows.

EAST TO WEST

It took 21 days for me to drive from Idaho to Massachusetts, camping 18 of those days and staying with friend on the other days. I remembered how the road is my happy place. Setting up my campsite and packing it up every morning was such a innate rhythm for me. I met a kindred spirit at Craters of the Moon, went fly fishing on the Teton River, slept in a yurt, slept in a tipi, fell in love with the mud pots at Yellowstone National Park, took slow walks along the madison river at dusk, moon bathed in a tipi next to the Devil’s tower, got lost in the cornfields of Nebraska, saw Georgia O’Keeffe art in Iowa, Slept next to the Mississippi, fell in love the with fingerlakes and Ithaca, Slept by a tiny lake in the Catskills and only had rain as I was driving into Boston. It was the most reinvigorating 21 days!

NEW ENGLAND

Coming back to New England was such a reflection to realize how much Idaho had changed me in just 9 months. I ached for the vast openlands and silence. I had a busy holiday season and reconnected with friends. I also continued to teach metalsmithing workshops. I love teaching these workshops and learned so much from teaching adult learners.

HOME

In January after 5 day delay due to a Nor’easter I arrived in Washington for a delayed holiday time with family. I spent my days hiking and soaking up the colors of Central Washington. I realize how the land feels like home to me. I created a personal residency during my time there, a quilt project. I took walks everyday, took a picture, translated it into a very simple design and sewed a patch. It was such a great project to get back in the rhythm of see - design - create.

MAINE

I came back to the East, to Maine this time to a small town 1 hr north of Boston. Due to my beloved turbo engine subaru exploding and being without a car for weeks I translated my quilt project into a brooch project. Now translating the designs from fabric to metal. I have 12 brooches made. I am so excited and proud of this project. There is no motive in this project except just to make - to tell a story of where I come from - to explore how to translate landscapes. I also was able to take a pie workshop from one of my favorite bakers and it inspired me explore baking more. So I’ve been baking a few pies every week learning and improving recipes.

NORTH CAROLINA

This all leads to the end of 33 and beginning of 34. I’ve moved to the south, Western North Carolina nestled next to the Great Smoky Mountains. It’s a special place for me with my Mom’s family being from the Tennessee side of the Smoky Mountains. I always feel connected to my Nana there, even after living most of her life in Washington Tennessee and those mountains were always home for her. I’m excited to explore the mountains more and to start a massage program in the fall. With over 10 years working in health I’m excited to connect bodywork to the experiences and knowledge I have gather my journey so far.

So much to unfold and learn this 34th year. I hope you are healthy and learning!

.midcoast maine + showing up.

I've found myself deep in process + questions the past 3 months of being back East. I've found myself trying to answer questions instead of embracing open curiosity. I think the familiarity here - or elements of familiarity make me quick to jump to expectations or assumptions and feel frustrated when things don't align. I'm at another place of transition moving out of my temporary dwelling and heading West for a few weeks before I come back East, again - to a new place. I want to make more time to write down my observations + questions + curiosities here as I finish 2017 and dive into 2018 with new intentions.

Thanks for being here.
-----------------------------

I've been exploring Maine a lot in the past few months. It's a fascinating place that feels rugged, unforgiving and unknown to me. This past weekend I spent some time in the Midcoast region while we received our first snow fall. I'm so curiosity about these little seasonal art communities - how they change so much with the season and how the community needs one another because of these drastic changes. I really loved the town of Camden.

.the hero's journey.

On this day 6 years ago I got a plane bright and early in the morning vibrating with excitement and paralyzed with fear - I was headed to Malawi for 9 months with the Peace Corps as a Response Volunteer. 

Today I was walking on my favorite trail, it winds thru the trees and curves around tiny lakes - it's my favorite place to think. I was listening to this podcast and this with Oprah and Liz Gilbert, discussing the Hero's Journey and how people who have been conditioned as women have been told this isn't their journey, the hero's journey and from this understanding we (women) don't always know or take agency of our lives or the direction of our journey. We wait for it to come to us. So many women have followed their role models - their Mothers, Aunts, Grandmas who grew up and got married and had babies and built a home. That is the journey. We follow this journey because the women we love lived this journey and they are strong and wise and beautiful - but this isn't everyone's journey. 

I thought about my journey. I didn't follow my Nana's journey - I didn't follow my Mom's journey. I find myself on the other side of Oprah and Liz's experience. I was given the love + support to live a journey that is very far from my Nana + Mom. They encouraged me to go + learn + seek + find in ways they never had the freedom too. I'm so grateful for that. But I wonder if I am, even on the other side facing the same dilemma - while living a free journey I have felt lost without role models to show me how to live this journey - how to embrace and receive the freedom.

Whether we are following the women of our family or traveling new pathways we have to check into our own authenticity. What do we really want our journey to be? AND are you able to see ourselves as deserving enough to have it? 

The  podcast goes on to tell a story of one of  Liz's close friends who on her 40th birthday made a ceremony for herself to release the bride, to release the expectation she held that in order to be the person she wanted and have the life she wanted she had to get married, so she released it. It's a powerful story. I started thinking about what I would release. 

What have I been carrying around with me? 

Immediately the words dropped into my head - I have to release the pressure + idea of a perfect life. I don't know how to navigate this journey of freedom + exploration. I wasn't given role models. It's been the most beautiful journey so far and I am so grateful for every moment of it - high/low good/bad fulfilling/draining lonely/connected quiet/loud BUT it is what is needs to be. It doesn't have to be perfect (right) - there is no perfect (right) town - there is no perfect (right) job - there is no perfect (right) choice. Allow myself to take agency of a freedom that the women in my life haven't had. Stay curious to new ways instead of holding onto fear without a clear role model of the unknown. Don't listen to fear - perfect is just fear dressed up in a nice outfit as Liz says! 

I'm so curious about how + why people make choices! I'm thinking now it's been a way for me to try to gather data on how humans navigate this journey whether be it with role models that didn't live the journeys they feel called to or living a journey that has no role model. I want to hear + collect these stories. The stories of the Hero's Journey.

I wonder if you've thought about your journey? 
I wonder what you would release? 

.finger lakes + boston.

I fell in love with the Finger Lakes! My plan was to stay one night which turned into two and continued into three. The Finger Lakes are located in Upstate New York, the landscape is soft rolling farmland with beautiful barns with many farms having their own little veggie stand on the road, paid on the honor system. The Finger Lakes region is a central part of the Iroquois homeland. The Iroquois tribes include the Seneca and Cayuga nations, which two of the lakes are names after, the lakes I visited. I'd visited Ithaca once before but it was winter. This time I was able to explore several gorge trails that just captivated me - the rocks, the colors, the flowing water and the way the light traveling through the trees and reflected and danced on the water. It was succession of moments of awe hiking the trails. There were several places this journey I felt my heart expanding and Ithaca was one of them.

My very last night of camping was in the Catskill Mountains on a small lake. The mountains were covered with the changing colors of fall, already! I had mixed feelings of savoring the peaceful comfort I had found on the road - the rhythm of setting up my tent everyday and waking up to drink coffee outside, just being outside so much of the day felt like home to me. But I was also feeling ready to reunite with dear ones and start this next adventure back in New England.



This last update took me longer to write than expected. I've been back in the city a week, time seems to fly by in the city. It feels so dense and busy here, I'm readjusting to New England but there's a part of me that now knows I don't want to fully readjust to the life I had here before. I need time to absorb nature and moments of silence to authentically connected to myself - to hear myself. I found a beautiful little place in a small coastal town just a little north of Boston to spend the next few months and I marinate all the places + colors + experiences of this nomadic residency and preparing for jewelry workshops in Somerville and the holiday shows that will quickly come.

Thank you thank you to everyone reading this for your love + support. I hope you have in someway connected with yourself thru this journey. I will continue to share this experience with you all as I process it with time and the jewelry that will slowly evolve from it. 

Much Love,
AEO

.west to east - a nomadic residency.

September 1st I'm embarking on a nomadic residency starting in Ketchum, Idaho and will travel east to Somerville, Massachusetts.

Living in the wild untamed lands of the west has been such an inspiring time for me and my jewelry design process. The slow life and the access to open lands has taught me to be more present and absorb my environment, it's something I want to continue to practice. This realization led to the idea of a nomadic residency! At the beginning of the year I  created a collection of jewelry, East to West inspired by my move from Somerville to Ketchum. I have travelled East to West and West to East many times but never the space in between. This residency will travel over 10 states (Idaho, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York and Massachusetts) and span 20 days. The intention is to absorb the places + landscapes in between the West and East. After this journey I will create a new collection of jewelry, West to East inspired by the experience + landscape I encounter.

I'll be sending out residency updates from the road and images on instagram @aeodesigns.
Join me on this adventure!!

.westward, again.

I landed on the west coast, again yesterday. The past few months have seemed like a blur of plane rides and beds and places and 5 outfits (ha!) and I have only just started to find a rhythm (or the beginning of a surrender) to all this transition. I'm back in my home state of Washington for a few weeks while I share space with my sister who is awaiting the arrival for her first baby. 

The past month has felt frustrating. I felt like I was waiting on people to tell me what to do or where to go or how to spend my time and then I realized I was frustrated because I wasn't making any decisions for myself. I was projecting that frustration of not choosing myself upon others. Realizing this perspective totally changed things for me about 2 weeks ago. I started to actively choose myself by making small tiny decisions. The small tiny decisions started to open up new and old joys in my life, my journey. I started running into and reconnecting with old friends and found that beautiful excitement in the studio that I haven't had for such long time. I met with a friend I hadn't seen in months for coffee and our creativity talk inspired me to keep showing up for jewelry to find my discipline to my craft again. To invest time in it no matter what the inspiration or motivation (or lack of!). A few days later I found a new opportunity for myself in December! Yesterday I left Boston at 6am feeling groggy and a little unsettled at all the things I could've done before I left for Washington but as I sat in the window seat of the plane and watched the magic of the changing landscapes pass me by I couldn't help but feel so grateful to have this moment - this view - this freedom. 

I read this poem (one of my favorite poems) on the On Being blog this morning and was grateful for this gift of this reminder - thankful for all the small gifts that are right in front of me all the time.

"The Journey”
by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations —
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.

.day 59.

I've landed back in the states - it feels so surreal to be back in my house with all the same things - people - smells just as they were in December but I feel so different, maybe it's just the 24 hours of traveling and sleep deprivation.  I woke to a dark cold day and I'm grateful for the chance to slowly unpack and settle into this place again. 

.day 56.

I arrived in Tavira this afternoon, half asleep and feeling nostalgic to be back in my little town for  my last 48 hours after a wonderful 4 days traveling around with friends.  Being away and coming back I could really feel the energy and rhythm of this place. it's waking up from winter. The streets are filling with people, stores are opening after a winter break, the cafes are full and the sun is strong. 

I'm grateful to know this place - to feel settled into this little town but sad to leave. I'll miss this place, a lot. I'll miss the nature, the bike rides, my home, the rooftop at sunset and under the stars, the afternoon walks, the cafes, the slow chats with new friends and reflections on train windows. It's hard for me to let go of rich moments like these but I guess it's also what gives them their sweetness.

So much left to know - see - explore - LEARN about Portugal. I think I'll be back, these's something special, magical here. But for now I'm going to soak up every last moment and remember to say thank you for everything that I feel sad to leave. 

.the kindness of strangers.

It's the greatest gift of traveling, the kindness of strangers. This morning just as I was getting ready to crack an egg in the skillet my gas went out. My stove and water heater all run off of butane gas. It's a small tank and when you run out you just returned it to a grocery store or gas stations for a full one. The only problem was the closest gas station is about 8 blocks away and I don't think the gas companies do one-time deliveries. I tried to decide if I could carry the tank the 8 blocks to the gas station, no way. Then I realize that I could use my bike to carry the tank. I had just made it around the corner from my house with the empty tank balanced on my bike and I was already struggling. A man was standing in his doorway looking at me "it's going to be very difficult to make it" he started telling me in Portuguese I respond back in Spanish, "I don't have any other options" we started problem solving in our Portuguese/Spanish exchange. He helped me prop up the tank in an easier way and I was off, but even with that improvement I could barely make it down the street. He was still watching and told me to wait. He came back with this odd metal contraption on wheels that was wrapped with a water hose. It was a gas tank holder! I made it to the gas station and back to my house in less than 10 minutes! I told him I couldn't of done it without his help when I returned it. He said anytime you need more gas just ring my bell and you can borrow it. The kindness of strangers. 

His kindness was such a beautiful reminder for me to put myself out there, be vulnerable and open to accepting love and kindness as it is given to me, unconditionally.

.day 7.

Yesterday I was trying to take the train to Faro to meet a jewelry designer, Filmeno. It was my first time taking the train here so I decided to trust google maps to find the station. I've been in town a week and have figured out daily life things pretty well despite my lack of Portuguese, until yesterday. I followed all the google directions and ended up on a dead end street in the middle of nowhere and in order to take a right, as google suggested I would've had to climb over a 6 foot stone wall into someone's front yard and climb down a hillside. Whoops! The train station was actually on the other side of town and there was so way to make the train time. I decided to be flexible and enjoy the chance to walk around a different part of town. I started taking any random street and happened upon an older woman surrounded by grocery bags yelling at a front door. As I got closer she started yelling at me in Portuguese, all I understood was something about not being able to get into her house. I didn't know what to do (or how to get away) so I just started speaking to her in Spanish. I was asking her if anyone was home, anyone to call...all the questions just led to more distress so I took her key out of her hand to try the door. The door opened on the first try. She stopped talking immediately, grabbed my face with two hands and gave me a passionate kiss on each cheek. I said "de nada" and turned to walk away (glad to have escaped relatively unharmed. ha ha!) just as her son was coming to help. She told him "oh never mind!! the little spanish girl helped her." 

You can't worry about plans when you travel, things will either happen or they won't. When things don't work out there's always some sweetness or a moment of connect that help you let go of expectations and just be present.

.Lisboa.

Note to self: traveling post-NYE makes for some rough jet lag!

I woke up right as the plane was landing in Lisbon. It was a bright foggy crisp morning - the weather is around 60 degrees and feels like San Francisco to me - cool humid mornings and warms up in the afternoon. My first impression was the calmness of Lisbon. I went through the passport check and wasn't asked any questions about where I was going - what I was doing - just welcome to Portugal. Then when I went outside to get a taxi there was a line, no one was cutting or pushing it only took minutes to get to a taxi. My taxi driver was an old man, he looked to be about 80 years old listening to classical music he asked me where I was going and checked his worn out map of Lisbon (no google maps for him!) and got me to my airbnb for cheaper than my host has estimated. 

I'm so grateful for such a kind meeting with Portugal. I am so grateful to be here. I am letting go of my fear and embracing the inspiration and energy I already feel in this space. 

.holding a candle.

Mystic Mamma always seems to know exactly what I need to hear/read. I saw this quote posted last night and the words just held me.

“In my own struggles and in my own darkness, I have found bits of gold that have changed me. One of those bits is the realization that we’re all connected, we all matter and that we’re not alone. There’s a whole world of people out here who care and understand.”

“If you’re in your own darkness, I’d like to offer that to you. Sometimes it can feel so black, like there’s no light anywhere. I believe though, that there is light, even when you can’t see it, that the people out here who care and understand are holding candles for you. And that candlelight is what you have to reach to and hold on to sometimes just to make it through.”

“I would like to offer a candle here. I would like to remind you that you matter and that your journey now will take you to your own gold nuggets if you let it. Honor yourself as you travel, and be gentle with yourself.”

~Terri St. Cloud via mysticmamma

I loved the imagery of someone holding a candle for me - someone holding a candle for another being - myself holding a candle for the people in my life.  It made me think about my first time living in Mexico. I was living with a family in Michoacan and working at the local clinic for a college internship. It was during the first week there I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a lit candle on the middle of the dining room table. My American mind thought that someone must've forgotten to blow the candle out, that's a fire hazard! The next morning I asked Clara, my Mexican host mom about the candle and she told me that their daughter was traveling to Mexico so they lit the candle for her safety. She asked me if I light candles for people? It seemed like such a strange concept to me, I said no. She went on to tell me that they always light candles - when someone is ill, when someone is traveling, when someone is having a baby, when someone is vulnerable.  I haven't thought about all the candles they lit while I was living with them for years. Reading that quote and remembering that moment really reminded me how Mexico opened my heart in such a huge way that time in my life. It was the first time for me to feel that deep connection in a situation that felt so unknown - to see/feel/experience their  the sense of community in a real way. The lighting of a candle for someone is such a small perfect example of that.

I am grateful for this reminder of all the candles that have been lit for me. I hope to light more candles for the people in my life - we need it - we need each other.

Love to you all, always.

.ripples and waves.

Sometimes change comes in small ripples and other times it comes in big huge waves. Sometimes the small tiny ripples can be more disorientating because it's so subtle I can almost not notice. Sometimes a wave can be more disorientating because it can wipe out everything that you have known. Things are changing again for me - it feels like wave is just building. It's an exciting waves - a new adventure wave - I guess they are all but sometimes when grief is intertwined in the wave it's hard to see the adventure or excitement. This time I can feel it. I'm inspired lately. But there's also the element of leaving your comfort - your "safe" four walls - the distraction that is fear can tell so many stories to make you forget the beauty of the wave. 

I had a day today just sitting in my emotions - retelling stories - more false than true - glorifying - longing for - creating dialogue for something that wasn't this - right here. I was listening to one of Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic podcasts and she was talking about how we get lost - busy living life something other plays - potential lives/storylines. She said to write down on a piece of paper "the action is right here" I love that. My life and reality and truth are right here and no where else. Today I had a very fire sign moment seeing things as if they only affected me in that way, that change was only happening to me, that unsettling feeling of life needing to recalibrate was a unique sensation to me. Impermanence was a "me" thing. Impermanence is life - is everything.

The wave is coming and I'm holding on tight to fear - forgetting about all the adventure and excitement that always accompany fear. To embrace the wave. To honor that everyone is experiencing impermance all the time and I have to just let it go. Let the wave wash over me - refresh me.

I bought a ticket and I'm going on a journey in January. It's just my way - it's my truth - to seek - to accept my fear - to stay curious - to travel lands - to find questions - to keep practicing releasing into impermanence. 

So grateful for these movements/motions that bring such brilliant moments of clarity.

.receive.

Facebook is turning into my Mother, let me explain...it keeps reminding me of memories - events - dates. My Mother loves to keep track of events year after year. Every year when she gets a new calendar she transfers all the birthdays, my first day at college, my first concert (Hanson), a surgery (that happened 20 years ago!), the date a I left for Ecuador...all the small and big things. They are ways to remember our story - events that make us US.

This morning Facebook reminded me that this day two years ago I was on my way to Texas to begin my journey at Midwifery school - via Boise, Idaho to pick up my Sister. It showed this picture.

Almost ran out of gas on the first day of the road trip...guess it's all up from here. Here we come Utah!! 

And it reminded me that as of Friday I've lived in Boston ONE YEAR! It's been years since I've lived somewhere for an entire year. It feels good to be connected to a place.

I was talking with my Sister tonight, talking about travel/plans/dreams it reminded me why I LOVE traveling. I LOVE traveling because when I am traveling I am receiving. I am in new energy - I am exploring - I am present in the moment - I am open to receive love/support/advice/help from others. I will always travel and explore because it reminds me I am alive - it reminds me that this live is so precious - it reminds me that we are all connected. I want to keep traveling but I don't want to keep moving. Maybe I could bring more of that openness/receiving mindset into my everyday life and find that abundance of travel in my everyday.

And then I found a reminder/advice/sign from the all-knowing Mystic Mamma:

“Practice being more receptive in your daily life. Notice how life changes for you when you allow yourself to ask for help from others as well as from the power of the universe…”

“Receiving is an act of love. Whenever you decree you want healing, this is a statement of loving yourself.”

“…Receiving the gift of love brings harmony into your life. In shedding light on a stubborn problem, you are requesting that harmony return to your life.”

“…Love is a state of union. When you can receive love, you can know union.”

~Sandra Ingerman from Medicine for the Earth

YES YES YES to receiving more.

What have your been learning lately??

.sunday night.

I've been traveling for the past month, which has been so wonderful. Summer time in New England makes up for every horrible no good very bad moment of winter. I've missed the studio. I've only had moments in the studio in the past few weeks - squeezing in time to finish up my summer commissions. 

My summer travels have left me so inspired (as they always do) the magical rawness of foggy Maine mornings and afternoon downpours, the hot swampy mornings on the cape and the hidden beaches swimming with seals only feet away, the fascinating subculture of Rhode Island island life and ferry rides to the Boston harbor islands - I feel full from a nutritious meal of nature inspirations but I don't know what to do with it. Like a present that is too beautiful and perfect to open - how do I express this/interpret this...I don't know. It's going to take more time. 

Yesterday I saw something and is sparked a surge of energy - ideas of new shapes - the connection of metal and clay. I was ready to make something new. I spent the evening in the studio playing with these shapes. I am exciting to be creating new things again, to be surged with energy, to be interpreting something - again.  

More to come.

.do MORE and want LESS.

Sometimes you just wake up and decide you need to go camping. 
So you do. 
You listen-trust-honor yourself. 

I've started to realized how much I want and how much I wait...for someone - 
for the right moment - 
for better weather -
for whatever. 

I decided it's time to do MORE and want LESS!!!

There a several islands in the Boston Harbor - a few offer camping. I spent the afternoon on Spectcal Island and then camped on Peddock Island which was an old Miliary Base (note all the brick abandoned buildings.) which was so fascinating to explore around what once was...trying to imagine the lives that lived there during WWII.