.ripples and waves.

Sometimes change comes in small ripples and other times it comes in big huge waves. Sometimes the small tiny ripples can be more disorientating because it's so subtle I can almost not notice. Sometimes a wave can be more disorientating because it can wipe out everything that you have known. Things are changing again for me - it feels like wave is just building. It's an exciting waves - a new adventure wave - I guess they are all but sometimes when grief is intertwined in the wave it's hard to see the adventure or excitement. This time I can feel it. I'm inspired lately. But there's also the element of leaving your comfort - your "safe" four walls - the distraction that is fear can tell so many stories to make you forget the beauty of the wave. 

I had a day today just sitting in my emotions - retelling stories - more false than true - glorifying - longing for - creating dialogue for something that wasn't this - right here. I was listening to one of Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic podcasts and she was talking about how we get lost - busy living life something other plays - potential lives/storylines. She said to write down on a piece of paper "the action is right here" I love that. My life and reality and truth are right here and no where else. Today I had a very fire sign moment seeing things as if they only affected me in that way, that change was only happening to me, that unsettling feeling of life needing to recalibrate was a unique sensation to me. Impermanence was a "me" thing. Impermanence is life - is everything.

The wave is coming and I'm holding on tight to fear - forgetting about all the adventure and excitement that always accompany fear. To embrace the wave. To honor that everyone is experiencing impermance all the time and I have to just let it go. Let the wave wash over me - refresh me.

I bought a ticket and I'm going on a journey in January. It's just my way - it's my truth - to seek - to accept my fear - to stay curious - to travel lands - to find questions - to keep practicing releasing into impermanence. 

So grateful for these movements/motions that bring such brilliant moments of clarity.

.i have arrived.

We have arrived in El Paso. It was a full 6-day journey full of challenges and adventure. Before I even left town (minutes before actually) I found a nail in my tire. Then without realizing the amazing weight of all my belonging (i.e. use more gas) I was minutes away from running out of gas only to roll downhill into a Love's gas station.  I somehow managed to get lost in Boise (miracles do happen). And when I checked into our motel (while waiting for my sister to fly in) I went to our room to find the TV was on and black stilettos shoes (without an owner). It was a strange first day. The comedy of errors continued for the entire trip. It was a true transition. Showing me in every way that as I distanced myself from Washington I was nearing this new chapter of my life (and I needed to let go of everything). 

To the life of a Midwife.

To the life of the unexpected. 

To the life of letting go and opening up.

We we able to visit many national parks during our trip south: Arches, Canyonlands, Mesa Verde, Carlsbad caves, and even passed by Guadalupe Mountains. The experiences were truly awe-inspiring. The massive nature of these formations/locations made me feel small/naive and yet inspired/alive. Teaching me that despite the challenges that presented during the day life is beautiful/fragile/breathing. 

Life is for the taking, but am I showing up? Am I living to my potential? Am I finding distractions to hold me back for an amazing life, the best life? Is the then defining my now?

It's time to jump. Leaping in faith of a dream/idea/passion. 

I taking a chance. 

I'm trying. 

I'm attempting. 

I'm investing. 

I'm gambling.

Love to you all and to your journey maybe you realized that you are deserving of all the beautiful/rich/pure/authentic things that come your way.

Every moment is new.

.t w e n t y n i n e.

Photo Source, my other wish would be for THIS to be my bday dinner party!!

29 years of a life worth living. I feel blessed on the regular to have lived a life up to this moment full of beauty, rich love, passions, adventures, and many a challenges.

I came across this Kahlil Gibran quote yesterday, 

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain…When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

The 28^th year of my life was super intense and filled with huge levels of joy and sorrow – transitioning me to a more raw authentic self – 29 is going to be the year of tasting all these complex flavors!

I always make a list of wishes every birthday, one for every year. This year I’ll make one too but really I have one big wish (challenge) that has been in the works but after reading this I realized that the time is NOW. I’m getting a touring bike and I’m going for a long ride. The details will come later, maybe just a week or maybe more but I am honored to have been reminded (once again!) life is PRECIOUS and beautifully FRAGILE and I never want to  forget to live every moment and be thankful for the ability to move my body and connect with this world.