.Traveling with Barbara

On the last leg of my travel I had a flight delayed, cancelled, rescheduled and was given a new seat - a seat next to Barbara the Buddhist. I meet these embodied women every now and again. It seems like I meet them in transition right when I need someone to remind me that

it’s ok, 
you got this, 
just relax. 

This woman was named Barbara and she’s a Buddhists. We initially connected over our disdain for United Airlines, she was could believe they charged $15 for Ramen and I could believe how many times they advertised Credit Cards before we even took off!

“It’s cancer!” she said. “It’s taking over and we can’t breathe! I’m ready to be home....sorry if I’m ranting.”

I said “You are ranting, but it’s all true.” 

She smiled and somehow we continued to talk for the entire hour and a half flight. She grew up out west and it’s home, it’ll always be home but she met a man when she was 19 traveling Africa by bus and decided to drop out of med school and move to Mississippi to be with him.

“We had to get married because in those days his mom wouldn’t of spoken to me unless we were married....sinners! I wasn’t really into marriage so I said why don’t we get married in Tijuana? My thinking was we say we’re married but in 2 years when it doesn’t work out we wouldn’t have to deal with all those legal fees. So we got married and when I met his mother she asked “are you pregnant or something?” That’s was my Mother-In-Law.” 

Barbara told me that they did get back to the west after raising their 3 children, buying a 14 acre farm near Mt. Shasta.

“I was home. I haven't exhaled as deeply as I did there. I still miss it everyday.” 

They moved to Western North Carolina last year to be near their Son and Granddaughter.

“This isn’t home but when I see my husband, then I’ll be home" 

Over the hour and a half flight we talked about the vast lands of the west and the contrast of the east, we talked about marriage and children, we talked about mayan abdominal massage and the importance of lineage. I was so refreshed by her openness, honesty and vulnerability. One of my favorite things she shared with me was from a buddhist quote talking about how we are falling all the time but there’s nothing to land on.

"We just have to get use to free falling because that is life, impermanence.” She followed by saying “Don’t be afraid to fail. Let me help you by getting this over with, you’re gonna fail. You’re gonna fail BIG TIME. And it’s ok. You’ll working thru it and get over it. That’s where the learning happens."

.day 56.

I arrived in Tavira this afternoon, half asleep and feeling nostalgic to be back in my little town for  my last 48 hours after a wonderful 4 days traveling around with friends.  Being away and coming back I could really feel the energy and rhythm of this place. it's waking up from winter. The streets are filling with people, stores are opening after a winter break, the cafes are full and the sun is strong. 

I'm grateful to know this place - to feel settled into this little town but sad to leave. I'll miss this place, a lot. I'll miss the nature, the bike rides, my home, the rooftop at sunset and under the stars, the afternoon walks, the cafes, the slow chats with new friends and reflections on train windows. It's hard for me to let go of rich moments like these but I guess it's also what gives them their sweetness.

So much left to know - see - explore - LEARN about Portugal. I think I'll be back, these's something special, magical here. But for now I'm going to soak up every last moment and remember to say thank you for everything that I feel sad to leave. 

.the kindness of strangers.

It's the greatest gift of traveling, the kindness of strangers. This morning just as I was getting ready to crack an egg in the skillet my gas went out. My stove and water heater all run off of butane gas. It's a small tank and when you run out you just returned it to a grocery store or gas stations for a full one. The only problem was the closest gas station is about 8 blocks away and I don't think the gas companies do one-time deliveries. I tried to decide if I could carry the tank the 8 blocks to the gas station, no way. Then I realize that I could use my bike to carry the tank. I had just made it around the corner from my house with the empty tank balanced on my bike and I was already struggling. A man was standing in his doorway looking at me "it's going to be very difficult to make it" he started telling me in Portuguese I respond back in Spanish, "I don't have any other options" we started problem solving in our Portuguese/Spanish exchange. He helped me prop up the tank in an easier way and I was off, but even with that improvement I could barely make it down the street. He was still watching and told me to wait. He came back with this odd metal contraption on wheels that was wrapped with a water hose. It was a gas tank holder! I made it to the gas station and back to my house in less than 10 minutes! I told him I couldn't of done it without his help when I returned it. He said anytime you need more gas just ring my bell and you can borrow it. The kindness of strangers. 

His kindness was such a beautiful reminder for me to put myself out there, be vulnerable and open to accepting love and kindness as it is given to me, unconditionally.

.day 7.

Yesterday I was trying to take the train to Faro to meet a jewelry designer, Filmeno. It was my first time taking the train here so I decided to trust google maps to find the station. I've been in town a week and have figured out daily life things pretty well despite my lack of Portuguese, until yesterday. I followed all the google directions and ended up on a dead end street in the middle of nowhere and in order to take a right, as google suggested I would've had to climb over a 6 foot stone wall into someone's front yard and climb down a hillside. Whoops! The train station was actually on the other side of town and there was so way to make the train time. I decided to be flexible and enjoy the chance to walk around a different part of town. I started taking any random street and happened upon an older woman surrounded by grocery bags yelling at a front door. As I got closer she started yelling at me in Portuguese, all I understood was something about not being able to get into her house. I didn't know what to do (or how to get away) so I just started speaking to her in Spanish. I was asking her if anyone was home, anyone to call...all the questions just led to more distress so I took her key out of her hand to try the door. The door opened on the first try. She stopped talking immediately, grabbed my face with two hands and gave me a passionate kiss on each cheek. I said "de nada" and turned to walk away (glad to have escaped relatively unharmed. ha ha!) just as her son was coming to help. She told him "oh never mind!! the little spanish girl helped her." 

You can't worry about plans when you travel, things will either happen or they won't. When things don't work out there's always some sweetness or a moment of connect that help you let go of expectations and just be present.

.day 6.

Do LESS with MORE intention. 

This is my lesson of the week! The signs (reminders) of this are everywhere in my new town. This has been a challenging transition, s l o w i n g down from Boston to this quiet/calm/chilled o u t little town. It's so beautiful and inspiring here I just feel ready to GO - DO - MAKE but that's not the pace of things here. I've been wondering what to do with my time - wondering what I should be doing - how much should I be doing because I really haven't done much in these first few days but u n w i n d - rest - sink into myself. I was sick for a few days and found myself forced to be alone in my house - feeling guilty at first that I wasn't out and about and then s l o w l y I started unwinding into the joy of being by myself. To be stuck in my head and to let go of time and expectations - it is liberating! I don't know the last time I was allowed that and whenever it was I was not in a place to appreciate the richness of it. 

I don't really get it here yet and I'm not even sure what I'm doing or what will come of this but I am finding so much beauty in all the little details, my daily exploratory walks always lead me to some magical discovery and I'm amazing by all the ways that this little mysterious place is meeting me just where I need, even in ways I didn't know I needed. This is where I am suppose to be right now and I'm grateful. 

Thanks for following along with me. 

.Lisboa.

Note to self: traveling post-NYE makes for some rough jet lag!

I woke up right as the plane was landing in Lisbon. It was a bright foggy crisp morning - the weather is around 60 degrees and feels like San Francisco to me - cool humid mornings and warms up in the afternoon. My first impression was the calmness of Lisbon. I went through the passport check and wasn't asked any questions about where I was going - what I was doing - just welcome to Portugal. Then when I went outside to get a taxi there was a line, no one was cutting or pushing it only took minutes to get to a taxi. My taxi driver was an old man, he looked to be about 80 years old listening to classical music he asked me where I was going and checked his worn out map of Lisbon (no google maps for him!) and got me to my airbnb for cheaper than my host has estimated. 

I'm so grateful for such a kind meeting with Portugal. I am so grateful to be here. I am letting go of my fear and embracing the inspiration and energy I already feel in this space. 

.holding a candle.

Mystic Mamma always seems to know exactly what I need to hear/read. I saw this quote posted last night and the words just held me.

“In my own struggles and in my own darkness, I have found bits of gold that have changed me. One of those bits is the realization that we’re all connected, we all matter and that we’re not alone. There’s a whole world of people out here who care and understand.”

“If you’re in your own darkness, I’d like to offer that to you. Sometimes it can feel so black, like there’s no light anywhere. I believe though, that there is light, even when you can’t see it, that the people out here who care and understand are holding candles for you. And that candlelight is what you have to reach to and hold on to sometimes just to make it through.”

“I would like to offer a candle here. I would like to remind you that you matter and that your journey now will take you to your own gold nuggets if you let it. Honor yourself as you travel, and be gentle with yourself.”

~Terri St. Cloud via mysticmamma

I loved the imagery of someone holding a candle for me - someone holding a candle for another being - myself holding a candle for the people in my life.  It made me think about my first time living in Mexico. I was living with a family in Michoacan and working at the local clinic for a college internship. It was during the first week there I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a lit candle on the middle of the dining room table. My American mind thought that someone must've forgotten to blow the candle out, that's a fire hazard! The next morning I asked Clara, my Mexican host mom about the candle and she told me that their daughter was traveling to Mexico so they lit the candle for her safety. She asked me if I light candles for people? It seemed like such a strange concept to me, I said no. She went on to tell me that they always light candles - when someone is ill, when someone is traveling, when someone is having a baby, when someone is vulnerable.  I haven't thought about all the candles they lit while I was living with them for years. Reading that quote and remembering that moment really reminded me how Mexico opened my heart in such a huge way that time in my life. It was the first time for me to feel that deep connection in a situation that felt so unknown - to see/feel/experience their  the sense of community in a real way. The lighting of a candle for someone is such a small perfect example of that.

I am grateful for this reminder of all the candles that have been lit for me. I hope to light more candles for the people in my life - we need it - we need each other.

Love to you all, always.