.day 50.

I've felt so OVERWHELMED lately about the goodness of HERE and the uncertainty of THERE. I've been grabbing - holding onto the goodness because it's good and I don't know what's coming. I go to that place of non-abundance,  this is SO good something just as good or even better can't follow this, better enjoy it while it lasts. This has been a forever pattern for me in transitions and I'm just becoming aware of it in a new way.

When something wonderful happens it surprises me. I squeeze it so tight because I don't think I deserve it.

Do you ever feel that way?

I've really questioned this pattern this past week riding the rollercoaster of fear of what's coming and the joy of all the fruits of this trip. Then yesterday happened.

I have ONE WEEK left here. I have ONE jewelry classes left. I have a friend coming today to spend a few days with me in my town and then we're heading to Lisbon to meet another friend. So with the week planned out yesterday was my day to just soak up my town by myself - get ready for the week and go to my favorite places in town.  I went to my favorite store in Tavira and met the most vibrant wild woman. We instantly connected. She said she could tell I was a woman of the world when I walked in. We started talking about naturopathic medicine, places we've lived and herbal teas! I told her I was sad that I hadn't met her before now and she said that we meet everything in the right moment. I totally believe this and when she said that I knew why I connected with her because I had met her before in different manifestations. I met a version of her when I was about 13 or 14, she was a wild woman that owned a bead shop in town and also the person to teach me how to make my first pair of earrings. I was so drawn to her energy - an energy I found in myself that I hadn't understood before I saw it reflected. These wild women always come into my life in just the right moment to remind me that I am wild - today and forever, it's just who I am. When we left each other she said "estas viva!! You are alive! Don't ever lose that!"

I realized that all the goodness that I have found here is the goodness inside of myself. She was just the reminder I needed to let go on the questions that don't have answers right now and enjoy all the last moments here in Portugal.

Has something like this ever happened to you? 

.holding a candle.

Mystic Mamma always seems to know exactly what I need to hear/read. I saw this quote posted last night and the words just held me.

“In my own struggles and in my own darkness, I have found bits of gold that have changed me. One of those bits is the realization that we’re all connected, we all matter and that we’re not alone. There’s a whole world of people out here who care and understand.”

“If you’re in your own darkness, I’d like to offer that to you. Sometimes it can feel so black, like there’s no light anywhere. I believe though, that there is light, even when you can’t see it, that the people out here who care and understand are holding candles for you. And that candlelight is what you have to reach to and hold on to sometimes just to make it through.”

“I would like to offer a candle here. I would like to remind you that you matter and that your journey now will take you to your own gold nuggets if you let it. Honor yourself as you travel, and be gentle with yourself.”

~Terri St. Cloud via mysticmamma

I loved the imagery of someone holding a candle for me - someone holding a candle for another being - myself holding a candle for the people in my life.  It made me think about my first time living in Mexico. I was living with a family in Michoacan and working at the local clinic for a college internship. It was during the first week there I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a lit candle on the middle of the dining room table. My American mind thought that someone must've forgotten to blow the candle out, that's a fire hazard! The next morning I asked Clara, my Mexican host mom about the candle and she told me that their daughter was traveling to Mexico so they lit the candle for her safety. She asked me if I light candles for people? It seemed like such a strange concept to me, I said no. She went on to tell me that they always light candles - when someone is ill, when someone is traveling, when someone is having a baby, when someone is vulnerable.  I haven't thought about all the candles they lit while I was living with them for years. Reading that quote and remembering that moment really reminded me how Mexico opened my heart in such a huge way that time in my life. It was the first time for me to feel that deep connection in a situation that felt so unknown - to see/feel/experience their  the sense of community in a real way. The lighting of a candle for someone is such a small perfect example of that.

I am grateful for this reminder of all the candles that have been lit for me. I hope to light more candles for the people in my life - we need it - we need each other.

Love to you all, always.

.new wears.

I have been so inspired to make lately. I committed myself to take three jewelry classes a week this summer. It was a demanding immersion that allowed me to return to that creative space I haven't been in for so long. To constantly be designing and creating. Siting in this space I began to look at the things I encountered as elements of designs - examining how they interact with other elements - how the degrees of light transition throughout the day - the beauty in the details.

I spent this past weekend in the studio - the entire weekend. Lost in the process of looking at a sheet of metal, sawing out a design, forging, texturing, firing, and sanding it into a finished piece. I am so excited about what came out of the weekend. I am editing pictures of them today and will share them with you soon. But I am just too excited so here is a little preview of the "versatile simplicity" look book (with my beautiful sister as the model).

.we need to lay in the grass more.

Today I went for a long walk to a Baha'i temple that was surrounded by a beautiful garden. I was thinking about something I read by Tami Kent recently (read below) about how we need to balance our masculine and feminine energy. Not just react (masculine) but to reconnect (feminine) with ourselves - ground ourselves to the earth. So I laid down in the grass for a bit. Just feeling the earth fully support my body. Breathing into the connection and comfort that comes from being present. Awakening to my body's sensations. Taking the time to listen to my intuition. It felt so healing. 

I encourage you to walk barefoot this week.
Lay in the grass.
Touch the earth.
Connect.

“The secret to designing our lives from the creative center is to reestablish our connection not only to the feminine, but to the feminine-masculine alignment.We must recognize where we forgo the feminine and over-access the masculine mode of doing. We must honestly evaluate where we operate primarily on output and production, noting any tendencies to work until we are depleted, frustrated, exhausted, irritable, or even ill. And we need to recognize where we believe our sense of well-being depends on how much we accomplish or achieve rather than an inner state of harmony.

In the presence of the stress to produce continually, the body tends to restrict, tensing muscles which reduce our energy flow. Fortunately by recognizing the effects of stress on well-being, we can consciously reverse the constriction pattern and instead replenish ourselves by intentionally receiving the feminine as breath, downtime, nourishment, and dream cultivation. Receiving from the feminine first and then taking action with the masculine, we follow a more fluid and long-term sustainable inner flow pattern. Rather than running your engines on high in the ‘strive and drive’ model, using the feminine-masculine flow is like surfing and energy wave; I think of this model as ‘flow and go.’ When feminine energy is moving, a person can receive this energy and let it build until the movement shifts into a more productive phase. Likewise, when the flow is minimal or nonexistent, it is time to halt and simply be or seek restoration…Each of us enters the womb on a tide of powerful and deeply creative feminine energy. Yet because we are rewarded for developing an externalized sense of value based on what we do instead of who we are, this early feminine connection is often forgotten."

~Tami Lynn Kent from her upcoming book Wild Creative