.moonrise.

I live in a tiny studio above a garage, it's very typical in this small tourist town for families to make extra income and a source of "affordable" housing in a town with very limited options. It's a quaint space that seems like a luxury in some ways, having spent the past several years living in old houses full of roommates in the city. The bedroom nook has a window facing southeast, there's a tall line of evergreen between the neighboring open lot and adjacent house. Tomorrow is a full moon and I like to leave my window shade open on full moon nights so I can watch the moonrise from my bed. I noticed tonight the thickness of the tree offering only small flickers of golden light through the branches with alternating moments of pure darkness. It's strange to see the barrier of light that they offer - moments of bold light and of deep darkness as the moon slowly rises. I've fallen in love with the rhythms of land and place, I've missed that.

.moments of AWE.

I heard Jason Silva's words, "our environment sets the stage for our experience" a few days ago and I can't stop thinking about that statement and the truth it holds for me. I've been processing SO MUCH in the past 16 days (I can't believe i've been here 16 days!!) but the process has seemed bright - fruitful - the air of potential underlines everything all because - or I believe because I wake up everyday in love with my home - my kitchen - my rooftop - my bedroom - my town - my environment. 

Today I walked down to where the river meets the ocean (my favorite place) and found 5 huge jellyfish on the beach - the fishy salty air - the cadence of the waves all layering to produce a state of AWE inside of me. I starting thinking about Jason's words and my experience the past few weeks and started to wonder...what if we lived in AWE, not all the time but if we experienced regular moments of AWE? How would it influence/affect our abilities to live/process/accept the rest, those sometimes intense/overwhelming/draining elements of life?

I have always found my most intense moments of AWE exploring/being out in nature. I can get lost in the greatness of the mountains. I remember the first time I drove on the North Cascades Highway (HWY 20) in North Central Washington and had this moment where I felt like I lost the boundaries of my body I was so overcome by the sensation of being engulfed by mountains. This past year living in Boston area I've really formed a connected to the power of the ocean. This mysterious/secretive body that changes it's appearance throughout the day - it's ruled by the cycles of the moon - and contains another world of mystical beings/creatures that it sometimes pushes ashore for us to discover/marvel in. The ocean fills me with AWE.

What does living in moments of AWE look like to you? Where do you find your AWE? How do you add it to your life?

I hope you spend sometime thinking about your source(s) of AWE and find ways to incorporate them into your daily/weekly/monthly rituals.

.day 7.

Yesterday I was trying to take the train to Faro to meet a jewelry designer, Filmeno. It was my first time taking the train here so I decided to trust google maps to find the station. I've been in town a week and have figured out daily life things pretty well despite my lack of Portuguese, until yesterday. I followed all the google directions and ended up on a dead end street in the middle of nowhere and in order to take a right, as google suggested I would've had to climb over a 6 foot stone wall into someone's front yard and climb down a hillside. Whoops! The train station was actually on the other side of town and there was so way to make the train time. I decided to be flexible and enjoy the chance to walk around a different part of town. I started taking any random street and happened upon an older woman surrounded by grocery bags yelling at a front door. As I got closer she started yelling at me in Portuguese, all I understood was something about not being able to get into her house. I didn't know what to do (or how to get away) so I just started speaking to her in Spanish. I was asking her if anyone was home, anyone to call...all the questions just led to more distress so I took her key out of her hand to try the door. The door opened on the first try. She stopped talking immediately, grabbed my face with two hands and gave me a passionate kiss on each cheek. I said "de nada" and turned to walk away (glad to have escaped relatively unharmed. ha ha!) just as her son was coming to help. She told him "oh never mind!! the little spanish girl helped her." 

You can't worry about plans when you travel, things will either happen or they won't. When things don't work out there's always some sweetness or a moment of connect that help you let go of expectations and just be present.

.stop look go.

I just watched this TEDtalk, How to be happy? BE grateful. It holds such a simple powerful reminder  to be grateful in every moment. To slow down in this busy life and take a moment to - stop look go - to find the time/chance to BE grateful in this moment. There are going to be challenging things that come for all of us and in those moments we have to look for the deeper lesson but mostly life is full of wonderful things that we miss because we are moving too fast. This video was such a great reminder for today - a new year - the beginning of this new journey for me to - stop look go.

.6 years apart.

I just realized its been 6 years to the day since I returned from Ecuador - the emotions swelled up inside of me and crashed inside like that most incredible wave - taking my breath away (knocking the wind of out me for a moment) - the nostalgia. The joy - the sorrow of 27 months of my life from which it all pivoted - revealed - altered - destroyed - rejuvenated. Ecuador ripped my soul to shreds - broke my heart/spirit/body in ways I didn't know were possible. It left me washed up on the shore with no strength to get up or knowledge of where to go - so I rested for a while - I wondered if I'd ever find the strength to stand up but I did get up - I pulled myself up because I had no other way - option. 

I wandered for a good while - I followed people/signs/flashed of light - aimless until I realize that all that weakness/wounds/sorrow were the greatest gifts - ripping me free from myself - from the narrow world i'd known. Everything was open to me. My broken heart was an expanding heart.  My lost mind was my freedom. This journey is so much more complex - rich - vibrant than I could've even imagined.

Ecuador I am forever grateful
for you
you changed my life
it's been 6 years and I think
i've only began to understand
our journey together.
_________________________________________

From my last blog post in Ecuador, August 5th 2009:

"Ecuador has become home, not easily but it has and that it what has made the end of this time so beautiful, all the struggle that I encountered along the way. I’ve seen so much; I’ve been shocked, surprised, devastated, infuriated, elated making it impossible to tell you how my life is going to change and has changed. But my ambitious wish is that my actions will be the example of the changes. That I won’t even for a moment forget this life, the voices, the smells, the struggle, or the heartache. I hope to always be afflicted by the voices and the faces of those born into injustice. That the small amount of exposure you’ve had from my journey has given you a glimpse of Ecuador, a vibrant country full of wonders and struggle and from which I’ve realized despite how great our differences may seem our few commonalities will always hold us together, as one race.

So to you all I send you my love and gratitude for sharing this journey with me. I give thanks to pachamama and the people that showed me the immense beauty in life's simplicities."

.the process of art.

Sometimes it can take a day, a week or a year to make a piece. Each piece has it's own time, process and personality. Much like people (teachers) that come into our lives. Sometimes it's slow and steady - growing with someone over time, sometimes it's a mere flash - slit second impact, sometimes like magic someone will appear and in that moment it feels like you've always been connected, sometimes you walk with someone so long you can't remember ever walking without them and then you look away for a moment and they're gone - like that pathway never existed, sometimes your path gets windy and even though you walk alone their path keeps bumping into yours and it's always at the right moment...so many teachers we find.

Art has been one of my greatest teachers. Teaching me to be patient, not force (control), not hold expectations only openness to let things move through me and to hold onto only amazement when they do - so beautifully. 

I've been so inspired by metal forms the past few months - making small wearable structures. I made a pendant about 3 weeks ago but didn't know how to make it into a necklace. It's just been sitting on my bedroom shelves staring at me. Then today I wandered to a fabric store and found it - the missing piece. I saw it and I knew it was the perfect combo. I am going to finish the piece.

So grateful for these lessons in awareness. Just like relationships - don't judge or categorize or compare - see what they are offering and gracious accept it - a gift.  

.great smoky mtns.

I went to visit family in the great smoky mountains after 26 years. I found the smoky mountains to be even more beautiful that I remembered/imagined.

As we were driving into the national park engulfed by the thick electric green foliage I saw a monarch butterfly outside of the window and then another and then another. I think I counted 8 butterflies welcoming - guiding us to the mountains. My Nana always loved monarch butterflies. I wondered if the butterflies always greeted her to the mountains like this, maybe this is how she fell in love with them. Maybe this was the way I knew I was there - in the land where Nana was raised and always held so tight in her heart even after 60 some years in Washington. She always was a Tennessee mountain girl.

Such a beautiful moment.