.art residency.

At the end of 2021, I applied for an art residency. It was at a time when a transition was happening in my fiber work. I was longing for space and time to breathe into a practice. I made an artist's CV and applied. I anxiously checked my email, waiting for a response. Finally, a few weeks later, I received an email from the acting director that due to Covid and leadership changes. They paused the program but would keep applications for when they started up in spring 2022. I was disappointed by not being surprised by the ever changes of COVID, so I went on with things. 

Since then, I switched jobs, moved to a new town, and started many new fiber projects. I assumed that the opportunity had faded away. Then out of the blue, on my lunch, I checked my email to see that I was invited to interview for the residency. I couldn't believe it. I said I could interview a few days later! As I prepared for the interview, I was worried that I couldn't connect to what I had submitted, but I looked over my application and reflected on the past year. I realized how much I had been preparing for this, that somehow in a bunch of small ways, I had been watering this seed I had planted. I realized I was ready for this opportunity, more than I ever would've been a year ago. I interviewed and a week later invited to the Spring I residency. 

It honestly feels like a dream. Three weeks in the woods making art. People ask me what it is or what it means, and I find it hard to describe it concisely. It's a gift of time and space to expand. To explore an idea with my needs met and limited distractions that wouldn't happen in daily life at home. 

During my time, I'm exploring the idea of art-making as a spiritual practice. Which to me means the process of making art allows you to transcend yourself. When you inhabit creative space, you leave the beta brain and open into alpha waves. A frequency that makes us feel calm, increases creativity, and enhances our ability to absorb new information. 

The framework I'll be using is a morning practice called 4 15. It's 15-minute increments of four different activities, breathing practice, reading (philosophical and design), and journaling. Then I'll go to the studio to stitch. Every day I'll free-stitch an 8x13-inch piece of fabric. In the end, I'll have 21 pieces. I'm excited to see the experience unfold. 

.day 56.

I arrived in Tavira this afternoon, half asleep and feeling nostalgic to be back in my little town for  my last 48 hours after a wonderful 4 days traveling around with friends.  Being away and coming back I could really feel the energy and rhythm of this place. it's waking up from winter. The streets are filling with people, stores are opening after a winter break, the cafes are full and the sun is strong. 

I'm grateful to know this place - to feel settled into this little town but sad to leave. I'll miss this place, a lot. I'll miss the nature, the bike rides, my home, the rooftop at sunset and under the stars, the afternoon walks, the cafes, the slow chats with new friends and reflections on train windows. It's hard for me to let go of rich moments like these but I guess it's also what gives them their sweetness.

So much left to know - see - explore - LEARN about Portugal. I think I'll be back, these's something special, magical here. But for now I'm going to soak up every last moment and remember to say thank you for everything that I feel sad to leave. 

.day 50.

I've felt so OVERWHELMED lately about the goodness of HERE and the uncertainty of THERE. I've been grabbing - holding onto the goodness because it's good and I don't know what's coming. I go to that place of non-abundance,  this is SO good something just as good or even better can't follow this, better enjoy it while it lasts. This has been a forever pattern for me in transitions and I'm just becoming aware of it in a new way.

When something wonderful happens it surprises me. I squeeze it so tight because I don't think I deserve it.

Do you ever feel that way?

I've really questioned this pattern this past week riding the rollercoaster of fear of what's coming and the joy of all the fruits of this trip. Then yesterday happened.

I have ONE WEEK left here. I have ONE jewelry classes left. I have a friend coming today to spend a few days with me in my town and then we're heading to Lisbon to meet another friend. So with the week planned out yesterday was my day to just soak up my town by myself - get ready for the week and go to my favorite places in town.  I went to my favorite store in Tavira and met the most vibrant wild woman. We instantly connected. She said she could tell I was a woman of the world when I walked in. We started talking about naturopathic medicine, places we've lived and herbal teas! I told her I was sad that I hadn't met her before now and she said that we meet everything in the right moment. I totally believe this and when she said that I knew why I connected with her because I had met her before in different manifestations. I met a version of her when I was about 13 or 14, she was a wild woman that owned a bead shop in town and also the person to teach me how to make my first pair of earrings. I was so drawn to her energy - an energy I found in myself that I hadn't understood before I saw it reflected. These wild women always come into my life in just the right moment to remind me that I am wild - today and forever, it's just who I am. When we left each other she said "estas viva!! You are alive! Don't ever lose that!"

I realized that all the goodness that I have found here is the goodness inside of myself. She was just the reminder I needed to let go on the questions that don't have answers right now and enjoy all the last moments here in Portugal.

Has something like this ever happened to you? 

.day 41.

As I was coming down from the rooftop this morning after having my coffee I noticed the most beautiful shadow. My rooftop was so clearly projection onto my neighbor's house it was like a painted image. I looked and realized that these white-washed buildings seem more like canvases to me that the sun paints with light and shadows again and again throughout the day - ever-changing art.

With my time quickly winding down here it was in that moment of seeing the building as a canvas that I started to realize how much this time has given me new eyes. This experience isn't what I expected but how could it be I was a different person when I made those expectations.  It has given me just what I need, the eyes and awareness to become the artist I am going to become. Life has such tender moments that always come from the unsure, anxious, rocky and sometimes isolating journeys we travel. 

I was talking to my sister then other night about my anxieties of the trip ending and what am I going to do when I go back...

did I do enough? 

did I see enough? 

did I accomplish everything? 

I started this trip with the mindset to make - do - produce jewelry, build my brand, find a way to get into more boutiques, design a new collection...and this experience has allowed me the opportunity to listen and connect with myself to realize that isn't what I want. This trip has started to reveal my journey as an artist. It has given me artist eyes to see my surrounds in new ways. So excited to be right here with the awareness of where I want to go and with that starting to figure out what I need to learn in order to get there. 

.day 30.

I've realized that my time here is to absorb - collect - be. I have so many questions and no answers. I just keep reminding myself to just be grateful for the questions and their answers will come in their own time. I'm a triple fire sign. I'm impulsive. I'm passionate. I'm social. This time here has been isolating in a really nourishing and challenging way. It's building a new awareness inside of me. On my bike ride the phrase "I reside here" came into my mind. I didn't know where it came from at first but then I realized all this time - space - solitude has made me realize how much I leap from myself. How much I reach - strive - outwards - away from myself. 

I reside here. 
A reminder to myself to stay home - right here - inside of myself.

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep and an idea, a design came into my mind that holds to essence of this truth. I'm going to sketch them out today on my commute to the studio. I'm excited to see how they evolve.

.day 18.

If you follow my instagram, @aeodesigns you've probably noticed a lot of posting around the topic of slowing down in my lifestyle and process of making jewelry. I'm actually not even making jewelry right now. l know I came into this experience saying "I don't know what it will hold but I'm down for whatever comes"...EXCEPT I assumed I would be making jewelry, of course. After meeting with my teacher and showing him my work to which he reply, "It's nice - very rustic and simple. You can make any kind of jewelry you want. I know people like rustic things but in my studio every piece is finished professionally." I thought that sounds good to me, I can always be more professional. The next day I started my first exercise, I was to make a perfect square, rectangle and triangle each out of one piece of wire. It took me 3 attempts to make an ok square and 4 hours to make all 3 shapes. The exercise brought up so much for me!! I left the studio feeling overwhelmed and drained. 

Art is my meditation. It has been one of my greatest teachers - it challenges me - pushes me inside myself to see an honest reflection of my shadows and my light. 

In that first studio session I had this domino of emotions within those 4 hours, first seeking validation from my teacher then finding frustration in how my time was directed and then a whole lot of self-judgement. I spent most of the actual class time trying to be the best student - seeking that validation of skill from him. It wasn't until the class was over that I took time to step back and think about the class - how did it feel? what did I learned? - I starting feeling frustrated I just spent 4 hours and X amount of money learning how to make a square, rectangle and triangle. For what? I've been doing metal work since 2009! I shouldn't be spending my time here on such a simple exercise. Then I realized that I was doing that exercise because I didn't know how to do it. It seems obvious to say that but it was the truth. I've taken a handful of metalsmith classes in Seattle and Chicago but honestly most of my learning has been in the studio by myself just trying things. I am a creative and one of my greatest abilities is to improvise.  I think because of my life choices and experiences I have had to practice this, a lot. Improvising comes naturally to me now, so I use it. I rely on it. I practice it. Improvisation is in my art. I decide what I want to make and figure out how to do that with my limited skill set. I can always get to the destination I want so I don't focus on finding/adding new skills. This was a big a-ha! for me. I became overwhelmed with self-judgment of being 31 (almost 32) and realizing that it's hard for me to invest in things. I start things - I pick things up and set them down. I started counting how many different jobs I've had in my life, it's a BIG number. I've picked apples, worked as a barista, walked dogs, caught babies in a birth center, created a community garden at a health center, taught sex ed, been a hostess at a fine dining restaurant, facilitate a maternal health task force in subsaharan Africa...the only thing to do when you get this deep into self-judgment is called someone that loves you. I called my Mom. She told me to feel the change - all these beautiful vibrant life experiences have brought me to this moment. Where do I want to go from here? I realized I just needed to change my perspective, not to judge but to appreciate that something is shifting inside of me. I think I'm ready to focus - to invest - to be open to diving deeper into something.

.day 9.

I made it to Faro yesterday and met with the jewelry designer/future teacher yesterday. We had a great meeting...our only trouble was that he doesn't speak English and I don't speak Portuguese but thankfully we both speak Spanish! He told me that to come back today with some pieces so he could assess my skills and create a learning plan for me. I will be taking one-on-one classes with him 3-days a week. I'm thrilled!! He is the 4th Jeweler in his family and was the Director of a jewelry design school in Lisbon for 25 years. He is serious, passionate and experienced. He told today that he can't stand commercial jewelry or the way people just copy things off of the internet. Jewelry is a process. You can't just go to the studio and start making something, art doesn't happen by chance.You have to take time to understand a concept, design something, create a model of the design and then you make the final piece. He's strict and rooted into his views - he's just the teacher I need right now. I know he is going to really guide me into this new transition for myself and my art.

So grateful.
I hope you are finding teachers in your journey.

.day 6.

Do LESS with MORE intention. 

This is my lesson of the week! The signs (reminders) of this are everywhere in my new town. This has been a challenging transition, s l o w i n g down from Boston to this quiet/calm/chilled o u t little town. It's so beautiful and inspiring here I just feel ready to GO - DO - MAKE but that's not the pace of things here. I've been wondering what to do with my time - wondering what I should be doing - how much should I be doing because I really haven't done much in these first few days but u n w i n d - rest - sink into myself. I was sick for a few days and found myself forced to be alone in my house - feeling guilty at first that I wasn't out and about and then s l o w l y I started unwinding into the joy of being by myself. To be stuck in my head and to let go of time and expectations - it is liberating! I don't know the last time I was allowed that and whenever it was I was not in a place to appreciate the richness of it. 

I don't really get it here yet and I'm not even sure what I'm doing or what will come of this but I am finding so much beauty in all the little details, my daily exploratory walks always lead me to some magical discovery and I'm amazing by all the ways that this little mysterious place is meeting me just where I need, even in ways I didn't know I needed. This is where I am suppose to be right now and I'm grateful. 

Thanks for following along with me. 

.day three.

I woke up feeling sick today - I felt it coming yesterday, the last few days. I am so frustrated to be sick when all I want it is to be out exploring, meeting people and digesting all the colors - texture - sounds. I text my Mom my frustrations and she reminded me of the lesson that seems to be reappearing in my life, she said "just surrender to it." I know. I need to surrender to a lot of things - this year, this little town, this project, the hold of the past, my expectations...I'm laying in bed drinking tea with my balcony doors open to the street below - just surrender.

It's so hard for me to just be but if I am going to be influenced and changed by this place and the next few weeks I have to surrender to its plan/journey/process for me.

.day one.

I arrived in Tavira yesterday afternoon and felt like I woke up in my teenage european fantasy! I have wanted to come to Europe forever - here I am, 31 and finally here!  This trip just seemed to fall into place for me and to be honest I really don't know what will come of it. I have some hopes and intentions for this time but who knows - I think this trip will be as mysterious and magical as it's arrival. No matter what evolves/appears/reveals from the next 8 weeks I am already grateful for it. 

For the chance to S L O W down - 
to realign my energies - 
to refocus my path/direction - 
to practice M O R E gratitude - 
to be more O P E N - 
to G I V E time to discovering the story of my art
to E M B R A C E impermanence
to R O O T deeper into myself

I'm excited to share this time/experience with you all. Thank you for all the love and support.

.lisbon to tavira.

I left Lisbon today and headed south to the town where I will be living for the next 8 weeks!