.stop look go.

I just watched this TEDtalk, How to be happy? BE grateful. It holds such a simple powerful reminder  to be grateful in every moment. To slow down in this busy life and take a moment to - stop look go - to find the time/chance to BE grateful in this moment. There are going to be challenging things that come for all of us and in those moments we have to look for the deeper lesson but mostly life is full of wonderful things that we miss because we are moving too fast. This video was such a great reminder for today - a new year - the beginning of this new journey for me to - stop look go.

.AEO holiday trunk show.

The AEO holiday trunk show was beautiful! I'm realizing more and more my process and with that I am be able to see and feel my growth. I had my first trunk show in this space in July, it was a BIG personal challenge to make enough wares, figure out what I needed to prepare for the event and curate the living room to a temporary AEO gallery. It was exciting but also a project that was so much larger than I expected. The months since July have been huge for me as an artist - a change happened, I don't even know when it happened but something shifted, aligned. This trunk show was also a challenge but the rhythm of the process was easier to find, the curation of the space just happened and my ability to share myself as an artist - in vulnerability - didn't feel so revealing. I don't know how to describe it but I felt in myself. Do you know what I mean? Have you even felt that - when you don't need to reach outwards as much?

The trunk show also revealed that even beyond creating wares, the creation of space - curating an experience - evoking a feeling in others is one of my most favorite forms to share. It makes me feel connect - it allows me to imprint myself onto a moment - to take all my thoughts/feels and make it tangible in a way, if only for a moment.

Art is how I share myself - how I process all the wild unknown of life. I am so grateful to have found my art - to have begun to find my process/rhythm. To begin to realize that all my art is inside me - I hold it - always.

----------------------------------------------

If you haven't checked out the new aeo shop, take a look! Holiday shopping deadline is December 18th! xx

AEO shop

.to do list.

I had such a reminder this week to

s l o w down

take d e e p e r breaths

p r a c t i c e gratitude

l i s t e n more  and  t a l k less

do l e s s with m o r e intention

b e mindful

.big magic.

“Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

I've been reading lately. I started reading "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert, it's so good. It always gives me something the chew on - Liz loves talking about ideas and how ideas manifest/present/move. She has an amazing story about her and her friend Ann Patchett. Read the book for the full story, but I'll just say Liz's story led me to Ann's book "State of Wonder" a book that takes place in Brazil deep in the amazon rainforest. The book instantly pulled me in with images that ran through my mind like a movie. I was surprised that I was so enthralled by this book and then I realized why, I've been to the amazon rainforest. The Ecuador side not the Brazilian and not as deep into isolation as where the story takes place but I've been there - I felt that heavy air - the deep exhaustion in your bones from the humidity - the smells of soil/fruit/animals - felt the roads that bounce you up and down on the seat for hours - travelled deep into the jungle in an old wooden boat with so many leaks a small child was hired to scoop out buckets of water entering the boat - the size of everything - the tarantulas - not going out after dark without a local because of snakes - the story of piranhas and candiru fish in the river - the wild and free amazon. It seems like it was just a strange magical dream that happened years ago.

How quick am I to forget my beautiful journey/story! I am so amazed and grateful for my path/opportunities. I hope I continue to remember my story and to find the power within it.

What's your story? What have you forgotten? 

ministry of health boat clinic

arriving to mondana

health center

church in mondana

the midwives

.hi holiday season.

Whoa! The new moon has brought so much many new ventures and potential projects for my jewelry business, AEO designs. Yesterday I realized "oh this is what holiday season prep feels like!!" but I love it. So grateful for all the abundance in my life right now. 

DREAM DEEPER AND WIDER!!

.6 years apart.

I just realized its been 6 years to the day since I returned from Ecuador - the emotions swelled up inside of me and crashed inside like that most incredible wave - taking my breath away (knocking the wind of out me for a moment) - the nostalgia. The joy - the sorrow of 27 months of my life from which it all pivoted - revealed - altered - destroyed - rejuvenated. Ecuador ripped my soul to shreds - broke my heart/spirit/body in ways I didn't know were possible. It left me washed up on the shore with no strength to get up or knowledge of where to go - so I rested for a while - I wondered if I'd ever find the strength to stand up but I did get up - I pulled myself up because I had no other way - option. 

I wandered for a good while - I followed people/signs/flashed of light - aimless until I realize that all that weakness/wounds/sorrow were the greatest gifts - ripping me free from myself - from the narrow world i'd known. Everything was open to me. My broken heart was an expanding heart.  My lost mind was my freedom. This journey is so much more complex - rich - vibrant than I could've even imagined.

Ecuador I am forever grateful
for you
you changed my life
it's been 6 years and I think
i've only began to understand
our journey together.
_________________________________________

From my last blog post in Ecuador, August 5th 2009:

"Ecuador has become home, not easily but it has and that it what has made the end of this time so beautiful, all the struggle that I encountered along the way. I’ve seen so much; I’ve been shocked, surprised, devastated, infuriated, elated making it impossible to tell you how my life is going to change and has changed. But my ambitious wish is that my actions will be the example of the changes. That I won’t even for a moment forget this life, the voices, the smells, the struggle, or the heartache. I hope to always be afflicted by the voices and the faces of those born into injustice. That the small amount of exposure you’ve had from my journey has given you a glimpse of Ecuador, a vibrant country full of wonders and struggle and from which I’ve realized despite how great our differences may seem our few commonalities will always hold us together, as one race.

So to you all I send you my love and gratitude for sharing this journey with me. I give thanks to pachamama and the people that showed me the immense beauty in life's simplicities."

.happy mamas day.

So grateful for all the amazing women in my life who have loved, supported and inspired me to be the best me! For all the women that continue to show and encourage me to chose ME - to risk safe choices for wild choices! For all the women who remind me to say YES to abundant thinking!!

So much love to my Mama who has always loved me just as I am, a wild - nomadic - passionate woman! Who helped me listen to my heart and follow this unencumbered journey!!

my mama and me in my wonder woman underoos. 

.turquoise.

The Native Americans honor turquoise as a sacred stone due to it's ability to absorb negative energies. Turquoise is believed to bring strength and healing to the wearer of the stone. Is that why it's such a feel-good stone?

I finished the turquoise holiday commissions. It was really special for me to be able to create these pieces. They have such a southwest energy to them. I was daydreaming about Joshua Tree while I was making them. Have you been? It's such a magical place. So combining the magic of Joshua Tree and turquoise I made a collage to show off the aeo wares. 

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday filled with warmth, good eats and reminders of love.

onwards and upwards to 2015.

-------------------------
www.aliciaeo.com

.studio time lessons.

The process of creating/creation/creativity is one I have traveled so many times and yet it seems that I still find myself reacting to the ebb and flow of it all. I am back in the studio. I am so excited to be back in the studio and actively creating wares. Whenever I return to a studio space after a while I have to find my rhythm and balance all over again. The process of creating. My emotions flow from excitement to overwhelmed to overstimulated to frustrated to angry to emotional victim (in the worst/most stressed situations!) and then...balance.

I was commissioned to make earrings and a pendant for the holidays. I have a tight deadline to get them in the mail and a very busy work/life schedule this month. Last night I went into the studio late to “finish” the earrings and start on the pendant. It had already been a very long day and I had already restarted the earrings 4 times. I was quickly transitioning from a place of frustration to anger. I started finishing up the earrings with polish but something still didn’t feel right. I was in the final polish phase and one of the prongs broke off. I was so frustrated. It was late and realizing I was going to start the earrings all over for the 5^th time. I called my sister for some design/logistic support, as I always do. I was so tired and just started listing off all the reasons I could validate my victim label…I haven’t had enough time, I haven’t been in the studio for a while, I  don’t have the materials I needed, I don’t like working with stones, I don’t have a local store to go to, I have too much work this week, I have too much going on, I am not inspired in the city….just feeling the role of emotional victim establish roots in my mind and body. I started to hear what I was saying and started feeling the knot in my stomach tighten as I added to the long list of victim validations. It wasn't working. It wasn't helping. I wasn't moving forward. I went back to my bench and pushed the earrings aside and started working on the pendant because it knew where I wanted to go with the pendant. I started feeling stronger and confident in the piece. I felt energized to be progressing on it. I ended up staying super late but I finished the pendant and started working on the earrings. A design idea/solution for the earrings came to me as I was finishing up the pendant.

I realized/acknowledged for the first time in a while that this is just the process of creating/creation/creativity. It’s the ebb flow of things but when I hold onto a phase or react it only dampens the process and holds me back. I was graciously reminded to let go. To not hold on so tightly. To not react to things so strongly. I need to see one side in order to understand the other side – that is how it will always be but the emotions of that process are within my power.

And then this morning I found this on a blog I love,

“The search for security is an illusion. In ancient wisdom traditions, the solution to this whole dilemma lies in the wisdom of insecurity, or the wisdom of uncertainty.”

“This means of the search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what’s the known? The known is our past. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning. There’s no evolution in that…”

“Uncertainty, on the other hand, is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom. Uncertainty means stepping into the unknown in every moment of our existence. The unknown is the field of all possibilities, ever fresh, ever new, always open to the creation of new manifestations…”

“In your willingness to step into the unknown, you will have the wisdom of uncertainty factored in. This means that in every moment of your life, you will have excitement, adventure, mystery…”

“When you experience uncertainty, you are on the right path so don’t give it up. You don’t need to have a complete and rigid idea of what you’ll be doing next week or next year, because if you have a very clear idea of what’s going to happen and you get rigidly attached to it, then you shut out the whole range of possibilities…”

I need to remember to be more open to this journey. To let the process take me where I need to go. Whether I am in the studio or at work or with the newness of 2015 - it's all the same lesson.

YES YES YES!

.beauty in alignment

Sometimes the growth pains of life/transitions are so strong and occupying that you seem to get lost in them until you wake up to see that in fact you have began to grow into your new self. You have learned how to be in this newness - this transition is now. 

If you are feeling like things aren't "working out" then you just aren't in the right place.
Open yourself to the Universe and the journey it holds for you.
Because things DO work out.
Life is beautiful, everyday.

I have written before about how my support pillars were shaken in the past few years. This forced me to step back and look at WHAT that meant and WHO that made me and WHERE I belong. I sat in that for awhile and then I took a step. A little step but it was what I needed. That step lead me to the next step - forward. Big changes are coming to my life, quickly. They are coming with such beauty and ease - I am right where I need to be.

So much gratitude for the growth pains and for the beauty in alignment.

.just a dream.

What if this was all really just a dream?

What expectations would you mute? What roles would you dissolve? What road blocks would you drive around? Would you get a new set of paints for your life? Get a bigger canvas to paint the day - journey - future?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do 
with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver

Why do I hold so tight to these expectations? Most of them are just fuzzy unspoken lines. There is no reality in them - only imagined - but the mind is powerful. The imagined is the most powerful - manipulating an illusion of reality.

I have had such a wild life full of beautiful, unique and unbelievable moments. Many moments of which were not fully experienced because of the expectations - lines - imagined reality I gave power to - that I allowed to pull me away from actually feeling the moment.

I am most grateful for the recent steady stream of reminders that I am the ONLY one holding myself back. The thoughts that I give power to will be the indicators of my day - journey - future. I hold all the power. The power is mine. 

.prairie wheat fields.

I got lost yesterday in the prairie wheat fields - where the same vista is repeated for miles and miles - copy and pasted onto the earth. I rode deep into the fields and down into the canyon only to reemerge feeling totally disillusioned with where I was. I started to ride back towards a tower - the tower - on rocky muddy roads for miles to find that the tower wasn't the tower. The tower was miles north - across an undulating wheat field. Or was that even it?

I find it easy to believe illusions - to second guess myself - to travel in circles before stopping to listen for my voice - before asking for help. I'm out of practice with vulnerability. 

I decided to walk my bike across the wheat fields - over the woven drilled rows - finding the soft rolling hills to be steep - encompassed by the overpowering wind of flat lands - tired and frustrated. There are so many lessons in getting lost. 

I'm grateful to be reminded that the only way to get to the tower (somewhere/something) is to go forward, to do the work.

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.
Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness"

Dr. Brene Brown

.thanksgiving.

thanksgiving lake chelan 2009

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! 

I'm grateful for a recent reminder/realization that every day/moment is BRAND NEW! 

We keep placing one foot in front of the other and after so long forget that it is always a choice. We can hop, skip, jump, run, whatever at any given moment for any given reason.

Every moment is BRAND NEW!

What does that mean for you?

Much love to you and yours.

.packing.

packing things up (i'm moving twice this summer) and found this sweet reminder of mexico.

.365 days ago.

"Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that's 
the one that is going to require the most from you." 

- Caroline Myss

One year ago today I was already setting off while those familiar warm fuzzy stomach jitters were setting in, Wenatchee to Seattle, Seattle to New York, New York to Jo-burg, Jo-burg to Lilongwe. I landed 48 hours later disoriented sweaty confused with no luggage to call my own. The birth of Malawi to my life was a groggy moment, with a weary heart and heavy eyelids my mind was racing to understand the local cyclist racing past the car with loads (i.e. goats rodeo tied with their heads bobbing up and down on the bike rack) heavier and higher than the bike and cyclist combined, mud huts with grass thatched roofs, cars driving on the "wrong" side of road (are we going to wreck?!? does this guy know how to drive?) - it felt like a surreal dream.

Peace Corps staff dropped me off at the hostel (called Korea Gardens. HUH? Where am I?) and said they'd see me in the morning. Alone exhausted disoriented I was left in a hot and murky cement block with a tiny window, this would be my new "home" for the 10 days of orientation. The bathroom was more like a mosquito breeding ground with a toilet in it. The hostel staff was yelling outside the window or maybe they were just talking I couldn't tell. I sat down on the foam pad bed staring at the whitewashed walls, sweat running down my body wondering what have I gotten myself into THIS time?
----------------------
Two and a half weeks prior I was sitting on my bed in my big red barn in Arlington talking to my Mom on the phone, it was time to decide yes and give notice to work or say no and let it go. I was ready to let it go - it was too wild - not right - bad timing. But my Mom as she always is in these gut retching decisions I love to put myself in the middle of said, "why wouldn't you go?" so I gave all the typical answers and I said, "Maybe I'm saying from fear that it's not the right time. I almost said no to Ecuador out of fear and I know all the beauty that came from that decision" and she said, "there's your answer" and I (typical Alicia) said, "What? What's my answer?" "you have to go to Malawi to follow your fear".
----------------------
And here I am a year later - Malawi wasn't an easy experience it demanded all of me - some days she demanded more that I thought I was capable of giving but from those sweet uncomfortable moments she has made me a more empathic, more vibrant, and vulnerable person.

I'm SO grateful for life - for open opportunities of new growth - for the privilege to have Malawi in my life - for a support network that let's me "figure it out" over and over again - for the chance to live a life that requires the most of me.

I hope that you too are following your fear!

.pre-thanksgivng.

disclaimer: ok so I was really just looking for an excuse to cook.

I'm heading over the hills to Seattle to dog sit/celebrate t-day with the sister. So I decided to make a little mini-gratitude dinner for the parents and I last night. It was good to the last bite. Thanks to all the amazing blog-o-sphere foodies it's not hard to be inspired. This is what is looked like:

sorry I was so excited to eat not all food was photographed. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
May we all take a little extra time to savor all the goodness in our lives.

------------------------------

I'm thankful for delicious food that excites my taste buds and nourishes my body.
I'm thankful for a family and a home that supports and loves me.
I'm thankful for this past year and all the amazing adventures I've experienced, all stunning sunsets I've seen, and the people I have meet who have taught me something in someway.
I'm thankful for my working hands and the art they make that heals and soothes my soul.
I'm thankful for the time to spend with my sweet Nana who is in the advance stages of Alzheimer's.
I'm thankful for real unpolished authentic love that loves without asking.

-----------------------------
food: oregano brussel sprouts - thanks to Heidi Swanson
         whole wheat rolls - thanks to river cottage