.reminder.

I received such a kind e-mail today from someone who was gifted one of my bracelets for Christmas. She told me the bracelet brought her so much joy and she wears it daily. Her compliment just reenergized me and I was so grateful to receive her words - but - I thought why do I wait (rely) on those outside compliments to remind myself of my value? I know the value (beauty) of my work. Each piece of my jewelry is a long intimate journey of processing something occurring in my life in that moment. I design - fabricate - finish - each unique and one-of-a-kind.

Why can't I grasp it's beauty until someone from the outside describes it? 

This moment was such a good reminder of how so often I forget myself - my story. This process of remembering who I am - who we are over and over again. I pledge to continue to jump inside myself this year!

How do you remember your unique story?

.day 30.

I've realized that my time here is to absorb - collect - be. I have so many questions and no answers. I just keep reminding myself to just be grateful for the questions and their answers will come in their own time. I'm a triple fire sign. I'm impulsive. I'm passionate. I'm social. This time here has been isolating in a really nourishing and challenging way. It's building a new awareness inside of me. On my bike ride the phrase "I reside here" came into my mind. I didn't know where it came from at first but then I realized all this time - space - solitude has made me realize how much I leap from myself. How much I reach - strive - outwards - away from myself. 

I reside here. 
A reminder to myself to stay home - right here - inside of myself.

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep and an idea, a design came into my mind that holds to essence of this truth. I'm going to sketch them out today on my commute to the studio. I'm excited to see how they evolve.

.old stories.

What happens when you realize that the story you've been telling yourself for so long isn't true - that you've been telling it all wrong? What if we can only truly find our greatest freedom deep down in the darkness of loss?

I've felt abandoned in many ways but when I step back for the bigger picture - an authentic picture - I can see/know that I had to be abandoned to be able to get here. 

I would've never found my self - 

my fulfillment - 
my truths sitting there. 

I chase the light and watch my reflection change, 
that's where I find my self - 
my fulfillment - 
my greatest (most honest) truths. 

It's taken me years to see the immense beauty of my journey and I think I'm only beginning to grasp it. A month from today it will be 2016. A month from today I will be embarking on a new adventure. I ready to tell a new story.

Are you telling old stories that no longer serve you? What will your new story be?

.fire.

I found my fire again. It died down to coals for awhile.

I was tired of fighting -
of speaking up -
I didn't feel safe to continue to put myself out there.

I just said ok, yes, that's fine...
well-behaved.

But I found my fire again. I can feel it. I know it.

I can't go back to where I came from, you never can - or at least in the same way. There's too much to be said, too much awareness to not move forward -to continue to seek.

.n e w m o o n in libra.

"*NEW* MOON in Libra is here continuing to bring the energy of balance and attuning us to the nuances that mirror where change needs to occur. 

Our medicine for these times is self-love, forgiveness, and an active awareness in rewiring our unconscious responses into more conscious expressions of our truest Self. 

Opportunities abound so let’s summon patience and kindness for all."

“Listen with an open mind; speak from your truth. Let appreciation, kindness, and clarity define your connection to others."

via mysticmamma.com

.silent truths.

There are quiet random moments thay remind me I have been stripped of everything - this has been my greatest gift and greatest challenge. And then I heard myself say:

Dive into yourself and see what you discover. 
Stop saying sorry. 
Be kind to yourself and to other but don't give away yourself. 
Take jumps off of cliffs but also sit alone in the forest. 
Let the sun warm your soul but be brave to truly feel the bitter cold. 
Love freely - openly, don't rely on your selfish heart - find a path to that deep well of love that never judges or runs dry. Find the deepest love and gratitude for yourself and be honored at any love that comes from outside - without expectations. 

Find peace in impermanence. 
Find forgiveness in impermanence. 
Find roots in impermanence.

.2015.

“These are times of decision, of change, of choice….it’s time for something to go, something to be removed. Anything that is inhibiting, holding us back, it can be a belief it can person, it can be a job, it can be a country…It can be anything that is holding us back. Now needs to go…it’s like we are being stripped of our known familiar sense of security, sense of identity, sense of who I am.”

“…So what is coming up now for so many of us is a new future…birth of the new always requires the separation from the known, familiar, secure past. It can be beautiful, it’s a flowering, it’s an opening, it’s a creation, and it can be very scary…

“…Now is the time for planning this future, and it’s a very good time for doing that and preparing ourselves…the ship’s gonna leave the port, the new paradigm is going to take off, and now we are packing our bags and have to decide what to leave and what to take….you cannot take everything with you. Now it’s time to choose.”
mysticmamma

What a sweet tender trying year this has been. I hold SOOO much gratitude for the pathway that so gently slowly brought me here.

I stayed out way to late/early last night for New Years Eve but the beautiful part of that is due to lack of sleep I had a slow day which allowed me to keep a quiet space for reflection and processing. I took time to reflect on some of these questions. I highly recommend doing this activity.

2014 was a travelling year for me. A year in which I visited all corners of the states by car, bus, bike and plane. A year of travel that forced me to let go of my control (plans) and let myself feel/face that discomfort.

Someone asked me once "What is the best gift you've ever received?" I had to really think about what the question was asking and when I understood I said "the kindness of strangers". People ask me, Why do you travel so much? Why can't you stay in one place? And the only way to answer these questions and what I was so fiercely reminded of this year is the kindness of strangers (humans). That powerful human connection that can only happen when vulnerability is being practiced. I am not good at being vulnerable but traveling (the unknown) forces me to be vulnerable, to ask for help - to accept the help - to practice gratitude for the kindness of strangers and kindred spirits alike. It's in THAT space that I can see the world/humans/my journey in the most beautiful/purest of light. This year has been SO fruitful and overwhelming and exhausting because of vulnerability.

So much gratitude and love for everyone reading these words may they remind you of the challenges from this past year that have strengthen you and help you to let go of the ones that weakened you. THIS is a brand new moment of infinite possibilities.

Much love to you.

.weekend.

I had the best weekend. ever. I completed my orientation and testing at a local makers space on Friday!! Which meant that I spent 13 hours between Saturday and today in the jewelry studio space creating! It felt so good. so good to have a full studio with torches and all the tools I could ever want. Both yesterday and today I had to force myself to leave the studio. There is always another projects I want to try. 

Tonight I came home after 6 hours in the studio and realized how much energy I had - it struck me = comparing my energy to how I feel at the end of a work day and my energy after a whole day in the studio is drastically different. I finally admitted to myself - I want to jewelry. I don't want to do jewelry to recharge my energy from the areas in my life that drain me. I want to do jewelry to do it. To do something that feeds my soul so fully.

This has been such an amazing year - in the raw unfinished imperfect way - that has refocused my mind - enlightened my soul - healed my spirit - pronounced my unspoken truths. I am excited for 2015 and all the needed/necessary/exciting changes that are going to happen.

I also updated my etsy shop for the last time this year. Be sure to check out the new wears - lots of beautifully raw tarnished copper pieces and fiber/metal pieces (see some of the pieces pictured above). Thanks for all the love and support, always. If you find something you like for yourself or a loved one - all jewelry purchased by Wednesday, December 17th is guaranteed to make it to you before the 25th. Perfect for easy last minute shopping (I'll even wrap it and mail it to them if they don't live where you live!!).

.YES YES YES.

“When you need to speak out, your soul and your body will tell you. Your soul will tell you by sending you the message that the situation you are in is no longer acceptable to the highest level of your being…”

“When you know there’s something you have to say, find the time to say it. The time may be now, the time may be soon, the time may be when you decide it is, or when there’s an opportunity. 

“Look for the time, or create it; but whatever you do, speak up. Then, notice how you feel after you’ve said what you needed to. Do you feel you love yourself more than you used to? Notice how your sense of your own value has improved.”

~Daphne Rose Kingma