.emerging softness.

 

Earlier in the year, I had a moment of a deep awareness of the limitations of receiving energy. In a moment of feeling overwhelmed I had clarity to see how my limits/assumptions/expectations prevented me from reconnecting with the energy. If I could stay open I could receive what I ask for, which might seem obvious, but asking to receive and being vulnerable enough to receive I realized are very different things for me.

As always, nature is the most perfect reflection and teacher. This moment happened in early March and the shrub-steppe was slowly waking up from a strange and dark winter, with the first signs of balsamroot pushing up through the dried blooms of last season - a reemergence. There's something so striking about the new growth rising about the dead - the resilience to bloom in what can be such a delicate time of unsure weather. It's a season of delicate strength. The emerging softness to absorb the faint warmth of the early spring sun. 

As I was going on walks and observing the budding landscape of the foothills, I saw another layer or perspective, the blooms as a returning to self - the healing of self-renewal. The beautiful and sometimes agonizing moments of disconnect and hurt and shame that can, if we are open bring us back to ourselves - forever healing and reemerging over and over again into a more authentic version of existence.

I was finishing a series of classes with Alice Fox about seasonal colors, taking lots of walks, observing the slow unfolding of the season taking my sketchbook - a new practice for me. The idea of this quilt came to me - the awkward first blooms - petals slowly emering. I envisioned the quilt on a walk - the muted winter hillside with the striking vibrant yellow petals.

With Alice's class focusing on finding local color as a way to capture a season and integrate more place into a piece, I only used natural dyed pieces for the quilt top. The cotton cloth is dyed acorn foraged from trees on the Columbia River and marigold blooms from a farm in Washington. The thread is a silk yarn dyed with Sycamore, also sourced from trees on the Columbia river and turmeric. 

With the quilt design, I wanted to play with a more minimal approach after my last stitched pieces, to see what impact more space/saying less could have. I love the contrast, the looseness the piece has and the concentrated energy in the pockets of blooms. I want to continue to play with the contract of density and sparseness of stitch in future pieces.

The piece measures 42 x 76 inches and is made of naturally dyed cotton, linen, and silk yarn.

.goodbye 2022.

 I started a small stitching project this morning, one last piece of 2022, a moment to reflect on the past year. It got me thinking about my relationship with making art this past year. It's been such a full year, but somehow I gave time to curiosity + creativity. I made it a priority to explore fiber. I wanted to reflect on the pieces I've made, so I looked through my pictures and was amazed to see much work I have done this year despite all the other demands on my time. I was also excited to see how I allowed myself to explore with the freedom this year. The pictures show a more expansive approach than maybe I've had before. I hardly made any jewelry, but I focused on fiber and allowed myself to push myself. I even took on a strange paper mache project, something I'd like to explore more when the weather warms up. I'm ending the year excited and curious about my art practice. I'm not sure where it will lead me in the new year, and that feels like success to me. I'm also working on a reading list to accompany my creative time that I'll share later. I'm also hoping to write more and blog more, to share and process. Happiest of new years to you and yours! 

Here are some pictures of projects from the year....

a quilt inspired by the silence of January made on some snowed in days with pine needles collected on a walk. 

a creative exercise, I collected the bark and leaves on a walk and composed this piece.

I made this little flag/banner after a rough few weeks with covid-19. I've never worked much with red but it's a color that really came into my life this year. I also made the fabric banner with tied fabric for the holidays. A simple project that brings so much joy to look at. 

I took an amazing class with Amy Tavern about design and made this piece after the class with found bark and steel that I made into a chain.

a slow Saturday winter project. I bought a drop cloth from a hardware store and then woven + stitched it. I love this and still playing with this idea.

In April I travelled to Eugene, Oregon and took a washcloth weaving class. It was so much fun! I totally fell in love with weaving again. I hope to make more in 2023.

This was just fun freedom! A wire paper mache project. Not sure what this is but I love the shadows and the alpha brain flow it allowed me.

.a quiet fall day.

On Friday, I stumbled upon a fabric blog, Spirit Cloth. I'm not sure how it took this long to discovered it before. In instantly fell in love. It's written by Jude Hill a fiber artist, a storyteller, and fantastic teacher. I started her Spirit Cloth 101 course, which introduces a nine patch sampler. She only hand stitches, making it a very mindful practice. It's the perfect rhythm for settling into fall.

Later in the day, when it wasn't as chilly, I went for a walk by the river and listened to Rodrigo Amarante's new album. I found so much magical milkweed. There was a gentle breeze and the milkweed pods were blooming. I recorded a video of the seeds dancing with the breeze. 

The vibrant yellows illuminated the day as a the overcast afternoon started to creep in.  I came home and added some yellow to the stitched piece. 

The return of fall is such a time of softening. After the energy of summer to settle in and ground ourselves. The slow stitching seems to be like a wonderful way to honor the new season.

.my first quilt.

 I just finished my first quilt. It's my second quilt top to make, but the first quilt to complete. The past few years I have developed a curiosity to explore different mediums beyond metal. I've always been curious to make, as a teen I would spend hours making detailed collages for all my notebooks and binders. In Malawi, I experimented with natural dyes. In Boston, I collected sticks and made nature weavings for my bedroom. In Asheville, I bought a sewing machine and took a quilting class. I've slowly allowed myself more time and space to this past year to explore fiber and sound recordings, especially during this extended time of being at home. I found an online sewing group that meets three times a month. I think the accountability and community from that group has really helped me to commit to my exploration and follow through. 

This quilt has a lot of "personality" but that only proves it was handmade! This quilt was inspired by a book called Create Your Own Improv Quilt by Rayna Gillman. It was such a fun process! I think something that has held me back from quilting was my expectation for perfection, but this approach allows for so much exploration and the result is a truly unique quilt. I highly recommend her book. 

The quilt was inspired by the beauty of one of my favorite flowers, Peonies. My mom has beautiful pale peonies that always amaze me with their elegance. They are fragile and commanding all in one. I'm also including a poem about peonies by Mary Oliver that I love.

 Peonies 

Mary Oliver

This morning the green fists of the peonies are getting ready
to break my heart
as the sun rises,
as the sun strokes them with his old, buttery fingers

and they open ---
pools of lace,
white and pink ---
and all day the black ants climb over them,

boring their deep and mysterious holes
into the curls,
craving the sweet sap,
taking it away

to their dark, underground cities ---
and all day
under the shifty wind,
as in a dance to the great wedding,

the flowers bend their bright bodies,
and tip their fragrance to the air,
and rise,
their red stems holding

all that dampness and recklessness
gladly and lightly,
and there it is again ---
beauty the brave, the exemplary,

blazing open.
Do you love this world?
Do you cherish your humble and silky life?
Do you adore the green grass, with its terror beneath?

Do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden,
and softly,
and exclaiming of their dearness,
fill your arms with the white and pink flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling,
their eagerness
to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are
nothing, forever?

.in the studio.

A new idea/creation/collection is in the works!! During my recent trip to Fundy National Park in New Brunswick I was so inspired by it's mysterious diverse vast nature I find myself still thinking about it weeks later. 

I collected some small smooth stones during low tide that I sat on my windowsil as soon as I got home. I kept thinking about how to use them and then started sketching jewelry designs. 

The first project was a brooch with a set emerald green stone. I love how it captures an element of Fundy, inspired by a stone dropping into the river sending radiating ripples. I was so captivated by Fundy for it’s diverse flora so as I continue to explore this project I will be attempting to capture a certain element of Fundy with each brooch!

I’m excited to share more as the collection continues to unfold!

.stories to tell.

I was just reading Mark Nepo this morning, he was talking about stories - our stories. We all have stories to tell inside of us. We need to tell stories - over and over and over again. We need to tell them until we can understand them. It's only when we understand them can we let them go.

I haven't been making anything in the studio for the past few months. I was going to the studio but finding a big brick wall every time. I wasn't making anything, just starting and stopping - over and over again. I felt frustrated and emotional - the studio is my space to unload/recharge/root myself amongst all this movement and transition. It wasn't until Tuesday morning I decided to change my mindset, instead of going in with several pieces designed I was going to try to make just one pair of earrings - no expectations - no judgement - no bigger plan, just one pair. I made a pair of earrings. It felt so good. It gave me another idea so I made another pair of earrings. Just like that I was making again - slowly - less productive. I was allowing one idea to build organically onto another idea. It wasn't until yesterday and really this morning after readying Nepo that I was reminded, I make jewelry to tell my story. I just haven't known what story I wanted to tell - what story I needed to tell.

I'm back in the studio making jewelry, differently but I'm still telling my story over and over and over again until I understand it. When I understand it I'll release the story and find another story I need to tell thru my jewelry.

We are all storytellers.

How do you tell your stories?? I'd love to hear.

.the wave is coming.

I've been spending a lot of time being busy lately. I do this before a shift of change happens - I can feel it and instead of sitting and looking at it directly I start moving faster - doing more - connecting less. 

I met an artist at a wedding this weekend. We were taking the bus over to the wedding venue and she was sitting right behind me. She was such a beautiful thoughtful woman - she was so open to share about her art and journey with me, we just connected instantly. I was asking her what medium she usually works with and she started to share that she's always experimenting but lately having moved to live on a farm in the country she wasn't making as much and felt a change coming. I totally understood what she was saying and shared that I had quit my job a year ago to do my art almost full-time and was now feeling a shift coming in how I spent my time. I sometimes feels so privileged to share that I quit my job to make art and she was so quick to ask "but WHY do you feel that way? Because our society doesn't value art. We value people living lives that they have been told/conditioned to follow and we get stuck there because change is SCARY. Good for you for not listening to that!" It's those beautiful little moments that I know I am right where I am suppose to be and that I have to stay open because the Universe is always sending me messages that I need to hear to be reminded/encouraged along this path. I agreed with her that change IS scary that my go-to is usually to really follow my heart and then right as a shift is coming I get nervous and go back to working a job in public health where I can get consistent pay and benefits. I asked what her art was evolving into now and she said "I don't know. It just feels like something big but I don't know what it is yet." I totally agreed with her sharing that to me it feels like this big wave is building up inside of me what I don't know where it's going to take me too. She said "I use that wave analogy all the time for change." 

So grateful for all these moments of authenticity - moments of clarity - moments of connection. 

.telling the story in a new way.

I've been in a jet lag haze for several days and I'm finally coming out of it. I'm excited/anxious to get back in the studio and create, start to process this time. I sat down yesterday morning with all my amazing beach stones from Lagos and started to sketch some ideas. I liked the ideas but it wasn't much different than what I had been designing before Portugal. I realized that I am ready to challenge myself more. I started to think about movement/flow of ideas. I started imagining creating a special collection of pieces incorporating the hand-selected stones from Lagos. It felt like a lot. I was hesitant to even start sketch ideas - it didn't feel right. 

Friends have asked what Portugal has done for my jewelry - has(will) it changed my jewelry? Portugal changed the way I view/interact with the process of making and designing jewelry. It reminded me of the lost element of storytelling in each piece. 

Portugal made me fall in love with with light + shadows. The story of elements: the sun + time of day + building (canvas). To me light + shadows are a reminder that all is I see is coming from within me. We are constantly reflecting ourselves onto the world, that's perspective. 

My jewelry is a story. I have to learn how to tell that story in a brand new way, that's mine to figure out how. Portugal just gave me the light + shadows to see it.

.just a little bit longer.

How do you process a transition? 

I'm back in the states and slowly waking up from my jet lag haze. It's only been two days but it still feels strange here. 

How do I (re)connect to this place? 

It feels like I've put on that dress that I use to wear all the time just doesn't fit anymore. 

How do you let go of the bluest sky pressed up against those white washed buildings, bike rides to praia da manta rota, afternoon espresso at that cafe on the winding pedestrian streets of Faro, mornings on the rooftop soaking up that hot mediterranean sun and all those "bom dia - boa tarde - bom noite" greetings with strangers and neighbors alike?

It's time to get to work - to get back into the studio - to design - let the images/smells/textures/feels unfold into metal but I just want to hold onto Portugal just a little bit longer. 

.day 30.

I've realized that my time here is to absorb - collect - be. I have so many questions and no answers. I just keep reminding myself to just be grateful for the questions and their answers will come in their own time. I'm a triple fire sign. I'm impulsive. I'm passionate. I'm social. This time here has been isolating in a really nourishing and challenging way. It's building a new awareness inside of me. On my bike ride the phrase "I reside here" came into my mind. I didn't know where it came from at first but then I realized all this time - space - solitude has made me realize how much I leap from myself. How much I reach - strive - outwards - away from myself. 

I reside here. 
A reminder to myself to stay home - right here - inside of myself.

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep and an idea, a design came into my mind that holds to essence of this truth. I'm going to sketch them out today on my commute to the studio. I'm excited to see how they evolve.