.Finding my story.

I met an artist at CraftBoston - a sweet kind spirit - her art evoked such a reaction within me. She is a metalsmith/jewelry designer but her pieces were stories to me, they transported me to somewhere else. I've never experienced this with jewelry. I told her I was so inspired by her art and she said,

- We just have to make our art and put it out there - some people are going to get it (appreciate it) and others won't even look our way - but we have to be true to ourselves - these are the stories that are inside of me - 

I just keep running her words through my mind - wondering  

What is my story? 
What do I need to tell? 
How will I tell it? 

.staying present.

Sometimes with daily life I get caught up in the disconnect I create (which I usually confuse with boredom). Today I woke up to an overcast day and for some reason started thinking about last January on my road trip back to the Northwest. I had just celebrated the New Year with my Sister in Arizona and was starting the first solo leg of  the trip. I camped out at Joshua Tree. Waking up to nothing but a blank day, a mug of pour over coffee and a sunrise. I felt such a surge of freedom. All those possibilities lie in today just as much as they did then. I hold onto these assumptions and expectations that provide a false sense of reality (limitations - captivity) that that freedom can only be found moving. 

Today is a blank day, with a mug of pour over coffee and a sunrise. 

How are you going to spend your day? What are ways you stay more present in this moment? 

.fresh eyes.

How does our past and fear limit us? I find that I use my past and fear like a compass for the future. The past is just the past. It is no longer our reality and it will never be a reality again. What is it that makes us hold so tight to what once was? Is it a conditioning to think that if that is then it will be again. BUT we are changing with our environment in every moment. What is to come will never be what was. What can we do to remind ourselves of this? To remain open? That this moment always presents a new opportunity. Maybe it won't look like what we thought it would. It will most likely be nothing like we thought but that doesn't indicate anything other than our narrow expectations. 

To start each day with fresh eyes. How do you keep fresh eyes? What helps you to trust (be present)? To free yourself of expectations?

.rooting.

I've been thinking a lot about rooting myself to a place. Maybe not rooting in the forever or even years kind of way but more so in the “be present where I am” way - the practice of feeling the vibrations and hearing the sounds of a place.

I am spending the summer in Evanston just north of Chicago. It has a small town feel with the perks of a city and the best perk, Lake Michigan. I went for a walk yesterday and realized I am only 4 blocks from the lake. I sat down at a bench at the edge of the lake to enjoy the view and started thinking again about rooting myself to a place. What is there to learn in a place? What kind of knowledge can be absorbed from a place, one place? I imagined all that layers that could be revealed – slowly with time – like a dear friend whose complexities are hesitant to emerge with only time bring clarity to the authentic  (ever evolving) face of their spirit.  How is the knowledge found in one place different that the collective knowledge from different places? What could be absorbed if I came to this bench often? I remind myself to worry less about the questions to ask and more about listening – with patience and intent.

What have you been thinking about? Do you have reoccurring thoughts?

 With much gratitude to you all.

live your questions

I'm feeling a lot of discontentment (whatever that means) here and now. That uncomfortable feeling that always rises when you are outside of your comfortable norm. Asking myself is it the fact that I am outside of the comfort that finds me feeling this or the insight that here needs a change in direction? It's such a fine line that with emotions is so easily camouflaged.

A friend came over last night to give me a massage and do some energy work. I'm not really into energy work - I've never received it before so it sounds a little woo woo. But what I ended up feeling was these crazy vibrations in my head so strong it felt like a tibetan singing bowl was next to me. I shared this with her afterwards and she said my third eye is so strong right now - your third eye is your intiution. That things/message/awareness was going to be coming.

And after she left I began to think about the "silliness" of this discontentment. It is so REAL to me. Just as any thought feels real. Thoughts about things that I never saw - things that have only been experienced through the (misunderstood) words of others  - assessing them from one reality taken into my reality and produced a reaction. Feeling frustrated by a situation because of my enforcement of  silent expectations. We keeping moving one foot in front of the other and start by understanding that it's just that a foot in front of the other until it transitions from a single movement to a law - to the standard.

Is this discontentment not really of here and now but from the movement that I have turned into the laws of my life? If you take away the "truths" the "laws" from it what does it mean? How would your priorities change?

.reflections after a long day.

I wrote Rick Perry an angry e-mail this morning. I was mad. I am disgusted by the choices being made in Texas. I'm now wondering why I wrote the e-mail. I wrote the e-mail because I feel it's unfair for someone to push their ideas/choices/values on someone else. So I reacted and did the very same thing, I pushed back. 

It seems like in the States things are only increasing in tension. The temperature is rising and I'm wondering if there is going to be a breaking point. We can only yell so loud at each other. So why are we yelling? How do we step back from reacting into a place of compassion and understanding?

I was riding home from work yesterday and suddenly I heard honking and a vehicle was about 6 inches behind me. I was initially surprised. I couldn't understand what was going on for them to be so upset/in a hurry...then I realized it was ME! I was riding on the road and he didn't like it. The driver then aggressively passed me and the passenger said some choice words directed towards me. It seemed ridiculous. We then met up at the red light again and I passed them. I was mad. I called the non-emergency line to report aggressive driving.

Part of my job is working as a Care Coordinator working with families with medically fragile children. With working with the public/community you sometimes find that some people don't have the coping skills they needs/wear the outfit of a victim/choose to not make changes and with the children's best interest in mind you have to report neglect. I had to report yesterday.

Is this the answer though? Are e-mails, calls, and reports doing any good? Or just encouraging this system? Am I just pushing back?

2013 was predicted by some to be the beginning of a new dawn...it this it? Is this discomfort/violence/hatred the shifting of our paradigm?

It has to be. 

Rick Perry is not the issue, the aggressive driver doesn't have anything against me, and those parents aren't horrible people. These are just branches of a tree with extremely deep roots. 

We are a broken, lost, lonely, and isolated people. We have numbed ourselves to the degree that we are lost in our very own bodies. The time to slow down, listen, reconnect, and love YOURself is today.

Do you practice self care?
What do you do for YOURself?