.Traveling with Barbara

On the last leg of my travel I had a flight delayed, cancelled, rescheduled and was given a new seat - a seat next to Barbara the Buddhist. I meet these embodied women every now and again. It seems like I meet them in transition right when I need someone to remind me that

it’s ok, 
you got this, 
just relax. 

This woman was named Barbara and she’s a Buddhists. We initially connected over our disdain for United Airlines, she was could believe they charged $15 for Ramen and I could believe how many times they advertised Credit Cards before we even took off!

“It’s cancer!” she said. “It’s taking over and we can’t breathe! I’m ready to be home....sorry if I’m ranting.”

I said “You are ranting, but it’s all true.” 

She smiled and somehow we continued to talk for the entire hour and a half flight. She grew up out west and it’s home, it’ll always be home but she met a man when she was 19 traveling Africa by bus and decided to drop out of med school and move to Mississippi to be with him.

“We had to get married because in those days his mom wouldn’t of spoken to me unless we were married....sinners! I wasn’t really into marriage so I said why don’t we get married in Tijuana? My thinking was we say we’re married but in 2 years when it doesn’t work out we wouldn’t have to deal with all those legal fees. So we got married and when I met his mother she asked “are you pregnant or something?” That’s was my Mother-In-Law.” 

Barbara told me that they did get back to the west after raising their 3 children, buying a 14 acre farm near Mt. Shasta.

“I was home. I haven't exhaled as deeply as I did there. I still miss it everyday.” 

They moved to Western North Carolina last year to be near their Son and Granddaughter.

“This isn’t home but when I see my husband, then I’ll be home" 

Over the hour and a half flight we talked about the vast lands of the west and the contrast of the east, we talked about marriage and children, we talked about mayan abdominal massage and the importance of lineage. I was so refreshed by her openness, honesty and vulnerability. One of my favorite things she shared with me was from a buddhist quote talking about how we are falling all the time but there’s nothing to land on.

"We just have to get use to free falling because that is life, impermanence.” She followed by saying “Don’t be afraid to fail. Let me help you by getting this over with, you’re gonna fail. You’re gonna fail BIG TIME. And it’s ok. You’ll working thru it and get over it. That’s where the learning happens."

.the wave is coming.

I've been spending a lot of time being busy lately. I do this before a shift of change happens - I can feel it and instead of sitting and looking at it directly I start moving faster - doing more - connecting less. 

I met an artist at a wedding this weekend. We were taking the bus over to the wedding venue and she was sitting right behind me. She was such a beautiful thoughtful woman - she was so open to share about her art and journey with me, we just connected instantly. I was asking her what medium she usually works with and she started to share that she's always experimenting but lately having moved to live on a farm in the country she wasn't making as much and felt a change coming. I totally understood what she was saying and shared that I had quit my job a year ago to do my art almost full-time and was now feeling a shift coming in how I spent my time. I sometimes feels so privileged to share that I quit my job to make art and she was so quick to ask "but WHY do you feel that way? Because our society doesn't value art. We value people living lives that they have been told/conditioned to follow and we get stuck there because change is SCARY. Good for you for not listening to that!" It's those beautiful little moments that I know I am right where I am suppose to be and that I have to stay open because the Universe is always sending me messages that I need to hear to be reminded/encouraged along this path. I agreed with her that change IS scary that my go-to is usually to really follow my heart and then right as a shift is coming I get nervous and go back to working a job in public health where I can get consistent pay and benefits. I asked what her art was evolving into now and she said "I don't know. It just feels like something big but I don't know what it is yet." I totally agreed with her sharing that to me it feels like this big wave is building up inside of me what I don't know where it's going to take me too. She said "I use that wave analogy all the time for change." 

So grateful for all these moments of authenticity - moments of clarity - moments of connection.