.words to live by.

“Hidden doubts and fears build walls around you.

When you humbly acknowledge,

allow yourself to be aware of,

your doubts and your fears,

the walls come down.

You are open and vulnerable.

You are imperfect.

You are lovable.

Your vulnerability, not your light,

is your most attractive quality.

All people give off light.

Vulnerable people also let light in.”

~Paul Williams

.words to live by.

"Usefulness arises when our beliefs, passion and talent find alignment with our generosity, love and desire to serve something greater than our selves. Meditate on that for a moment. When, in your life, have you felt truly useful? Where in your body did you feel it? It's more a cellular knowingness than an intellectual process. This kind of searching takes a great deal of effort — and a enormous amount of awareness. But when we move through the world with our actions and core beliefs aligned, we open ourselves to deep, radiant joy — a joy that's just as beautiful to experience as it is to watch in action in others' lives."

"To work on acting directly out of your beliefs, as motivated by your beliefs, to create action through your beliefs. "

"when I say fuse action to belief in your daily life, I mean down to the deepest minutiae you can possibly imagine. From how you put your socks on in the morning to the texts you write to the water you drink, infuse your life with as much consciousness as you can. Find the joy that arises from that deep alignment. Tune your life to your ideals as though your life was a living instrument. When you turn your life into practice, you turn your vision into reality. "

- moonandquartz

YES YES YES! Reading these words over and over to myself. "When you turn your life into practice, you turn your vision into reality." I love that!

.words to live by.

“Above all, be at ease, be as natural and spacious as possible. Slip quietly out of the noose of your habitual anxious self, release all grasping, and relax into your true nature.”

“Think of your ordinary emotional, thought-ridden self as a block of ice or a slab of butter left out in the sun. If you are feeling hard and cold, let this aggression melt away in the sunlight of your meditation.”

“Let peace work on you and enable you to gather your scattered mind into the mindfulness of Calm Abiding, and awaken in you the awareness and insight of Clear Seeing.”

“And you will find all your negativity disarmed, your aggression dissolved, and your confusion evaporating slowly like mist into the vast and stainless sky of your absolute nature.”

~Sogyal Rinpoche from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying via mystic mamma

.words to live by.

“Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way.”

“You are on the path exactly where you are meant to be right now. And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.“

~Caroline Joy Adams via mysticmamma

.receive.

Facebook is turning into my Mother, let me explain...it keeps reminding me of memories - events - dates. My Mother loves to keep track of events year after year. Every year when she gets a new calendar she transfers all the birthdays, my first day at college, my first concert (Hanson), a surgery (that happened 20 years ago!), the date a I left for Ecuador...all the small and big things. They are ways to remember our story - events that make us US.

This morning Facebook reminded me that this day two years ago I was on my way to Texas to begin my journey at Midwifery school - via Boise, Idaho to pick up my Sister. It showed this picture.

Almost ran out of gas on the first day of the road trip...guess it's all up from here. Here we come Utah!! 

And it reminded me that as of Friday I've lived in Boston ONE YEAR! It's been years since I've lived somewhere for an entire year. It feels good to be connected to a place.

I was talking with my Sister tonight, talking about travel/plans/dreams it reminded me why I LOVE traveling. I LOVE traveling because when I am traveling I am receiving. I am in new energy - I am exploring - I am present in the moment - I am open to receive love/support/advice/help from others. I will always travel and explore because it reminds me I am alive - it reminds me that this live is so precious - it reminds me that we are all connected. I want to keep traveling but I don't want to keep moving. Maybe I could bring more of that openness/receiving mindset into my everyday life and find that abundance of travel in my everyday.

And then I found a reminder/advice/sign from the all-knowing Mystic Mamma:

“Practice being more receptive in your daily life. Notice how life changes for you when you allow yourself to ask for help from others as well as from the power of the universe…”

“Receiving is an act of love. Whenever you decree you want healing, this is a statement of loving yourself.”

“…Receiving the gift of love brings harmony into your life. In shedding light on a stubborn problem, you are requesting that harmony return to your life.”

“…Love is a state of union. When you can receive love, you can know union.”

~Sandra Ingerman from Medicine for the Earth

YES YES YES to receiving more.

What have your been learning lately??

.do MORE and want LESS.

Sometimes you just wake up and decide you need to go camping. 
So you do. 
You listen-trust-honor yourself. 

I've started to realized how much I want and how much I wait...for someone - 
for the right moment - 
for better weather -
for whatever. 

I decided it's time to do MORE and want LESS!!!

There a several islands in the Boston Harbor - a few offer camping. I spent the afternoon on Spectcal Island and then camped on Peddock Island which was an old Miliary Base (note all the brick abandoned buildings.) which was so fascinating to explore around what once was...trying to imagine the lives that lived there during WWII.

.lessons of summer.

When old words die out on the tongue, new melodies break forth from the heart; and where the old tracks are lost, new country is revealed with its wonders.

-Rabindranath Tagore, Gardener

I'm a different person than I was just a few months ago. I keep changing and evolving. Shedding the layers of the old me. Finding a new richness from following my heart - trusting my intuition - believing in abundance. I've had a lot of conversations lately about being in the right place, finding yes, manifesting abundance. I've been traveling a lot the past few weeks - exploring the New England coast, finding so much healing and ecstasy in submerging myself in the Atlantic. This summer has been my first time to swim in the Atlantic and I've fallen in love with it's warmth, steady waves and salty taste. It has grounded me this past month - helping me to let go of a path that I have been following - an assumed path - and reassuring (pushing me) past fear to live in a new way, an authentic way. 

When we were visiting the cape I met this jewelry artist - a wanderer like me. We instantly connected. I was so excited to hear about the way she has chosen to live her life - free/independently. Then I realized that all that is open and possible to me. I can live the way I want to live. It seems so simple - so basic - but these norms/expectations always come creeping into my world (mind) so quietly that sometimes I don't even realize I am holding onto them until I allow myself to see/feel/trust abundance. 

I love summer time. Life seems to pulse with energy and potential. Summertime is the time I remember my story is powerful. I remember that I am the only one limiting myself. I remember to give more love in order to receive more love.

.signs.

I started having snake dreams the night before I left for Texas in 2013. While I was there I had one to two snake dreams a month. Then my last night in Texas I had a final snake dream, I wouldn't have another one until this March. It told my Acupuncturist about it at the time and she said snakes represent transformation - rebirth - something must be moving in my life. Things were moving in my life. Then the first night back from my North Carolina I had a really intense snake dream again. I knew change was coming again. It did. These dreams use to scare me, I am afraid of snake but I've grown to cherish them. These dreams always appear in the right moment - guiding me in the right direction - gently encouraging/reassuring/directing me. Then this morning took a walk and saw a snake! A snake on the sidewalk on a main street - no one around - no grass, a city snake! I couldn't believe it. I just watched it until two people passed by. I told them about the snake and they couldn't believe either. Then the guy said "you know they say snakes are a sign of transformation." I know.

Signs are everywhere.

.the journey.

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice – – –

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

‘Mend my life!’

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations – – –

though their melancholy

was terrible. It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice,

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do – – – determined to save

the only life you could save.

.mary oliver.

.t h i r t y o n e.

"Life always gives us
exactly the teacher we need
at every moment.
This includes every mosquito,
every misfortune,
every red light,
every traffic jam,
every obnoxious supervisor (or employee),
every illness, every loss,
every moment of joy or depression,
every addiction,
every piece of garbage,
every breath.

Every moment is the guru.”

- Charlotte Joko Beck

You know that feeling when you wake up from a vivid dream holding onto it and the moment you are fully awake it's gone except for the feelings it gave you?

I feel BIG movement happening in my life right now - ideas/perspectives/priorities are shifting (emerging). The newness - new perspective - new insight was whispered to me in the middle of the night - it's inside of me - but when I try to tell it the words stop right at the tip of my tongue.

I always write a blog post on my birthday - as a moment to reflect of the past year and looking forward to the next. I turned thirtyone 18 days ago! I start to write a post and find myself wanting to say something different. and I am not sure what to say or where to start.

As doors are closing in my life there are doors opening, which is a beautiful gift because in my life it always seems like the opening and closing tend to come in phases but in this moment it seems to all be happening simultaneously. Although, instead of finding gratitude for the opening doors I keep holding onto the hurt - rejection of the closing doors.

Why do I do this?
There are beautiful doors opening up for me. Doors offering opportunities that I have spent years trying to manifest in my life - yet - I find myself stuck in this cycle of loss. Then last night I realized something. I realized that I am holding onto those closing doors because it's a distraction - because if I hold onto those closing doors then I don't have to take that risk - that jump - that leap that the opening doors require of me. It's scary and unknown - they require my authentic self.

When I acknowledge these emotions and uncertainties I realize that really all the opening and closing are connected. That the closed doors aren't illuminating my weaknesses - they are pushing me towards the open doors - towards the pathway of following my heart - passion - my art. The Universe is saying "I am not going to give you any other options - GO FOR IT." Beautiful.

I hope you are able to see all the doors opening in your life right now.
Embracing them.
Allowing yourself to realize that YOU DESERVE the open doors.
GO FOR IT.

.words to live by.

"Whatever happened to our dreams? The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.” 

—Randall Munroe

.words to live by.

morning rays 

“Life's work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into your life wake you up rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be curious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will. It's going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. You can leave your marriage, you can quit your job, you can only go where people are going to praise you, you can manipulate your world until you're blue in the face to try to make it always smooth, but the same old demons will always come up until finally you have learned your lesson, the lesson they came to teach you."

The Wisdom of No Escape, Pema Chodron 

.words to live by.

the prairie lands of central washington

The being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably,

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

RUMI

.practicing vulnerability.

I had one of those classic me moments last week

one of those moments that make me feel uncomfortable - exposed - embarrassed - vulnerable

one of those moments that make me want to pack up from here and...

...dive into a new project

...hold onto or aspire towards a role or title

...forget myself

one of those moments that retell that old story of "you knew it wasn't safe to share yourself - keep those walls up! Don't you remember what happened last time?"

but this time I listen to that old story and then I let it go

I didn't hold onto it

I just sat down right there with all those feelings!!

this time I acknowledged those feelings

this time I decided I was going to stay.

It is so hard for me to be vulnerable

I have been so conditioned NOT to be vulnerable

I am trying to practice vulnerability

I am trying to learn how to be more vulnerable

When I put down those walls (my guard) for a moment if it's not reciprocated, and there are going to be so many times I show my vulnerability that it will not be met with vulnerability because we have been taught that is our weakness.

I was listening to a great podcast, on being with Brene Brown where she said “we desperately want to connect with each other and with that vulnerability is the VERY first thing we look for in the other person and the VERY last thing we want to show of ourselves” so much truth in those words.

And it’s that moment that I am not met in vulnerability I start replay that tired old story all over again...but I am writing a new story - the real story.

Which is that it in those very small sweet tender moments I share my truest of self.

It is in those small moments that I am fiercely courageous.

It is in those small moments that I am growing and learning about my authentic self the most.

It is in those small moments that I am giving myself the greatest gift - to be open/connect/love and accept/receive/be love.

It doesn't mean that being vulnerable even for a second doesn't still make me scared/embarrassed/anxious but I am finding courage in the new story.

I hope you are finding a new story. new courage. new connections.

.words to live by.

“Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they’ll turn out.”(Randall Munroe)

.beauty in alignment

Sometimes the growth pains of life/transitions are so strong and occupying that you seem to get lost in them until you wake up to see that in fact you have began to grow into your new self. You have learned how to be in this newness - this transition is now. 

If you are feeling like things aren't "working out" then you just aren't in the right place.
Open yourself to the Universe and the journey it holds for you.
Because things DO work out.
Life is beautiful, everyday.

I have written before about how my support pillars were shaken in the past few years. This forced me to step back and look at WHAT that meant and WHO that made me and WHERE I belong. I sat in that for awhile and then I took a step. A little step but it was what I needed. That step lead me to the next step - forward. Big changes are coming to my life, quickly. They are coming with such beauty and ease - I am right where I need to be.

So much gratitude for the growth pains and for the beauty in alignment.

.we need to lay in the grass more.

Today I went for a long walk to a Baha'i temple that was surrounded by a beautiful garden. I was thinking about something I read by Tami Kent recently (read below) about how we need to balance our masculine and feminine energy. Not just react (masculine) but to reconnect (feminine) with ourselves - ground ourselves to the earth. So I laid down in the grass for a bit. Just feeling the earth fully support my body. Breathing into the connection and comfort that comes from being present. Awakening to my body's sensations. Taking the time to listen to my intuition. It felt so healing. 

I encourage you to walk barefoot this week.
Lay in the grass.
Touch the earth.
Connect.

“The secret to designing our lives from the creative center is to reestablish our connection not only to the feminine, but to the feminine-masculine alignment.We must recognize where we forgo the feminine and over-access the masculine mode of doing. We must honestly evaluate where we operate primarily on output and production, noting any tendencies to work until we are depleted, frustrated, exhausted, irritable, or even ill. And we need to recognize where we believe our sense of well-being depends on how much we accomplish or achieve rather than an inner state of harmony.

In the presence of the stress to produce continually, the body tends to restrict, tensing muscles which reduce our energy flow. Fortunately by recognizing the effects of stress on well-being, we can consciously reverse the constriction pattern and instead replenish ourselves by intentionally receiving the feminine as breath, downtime, nourishment, and dream cultivation. Receiving from the feminine first and then taking action with the masculine, we follow a more fluid and long-term sustainable inner flow pattern. Rather than running your engines on high in the ‘strive and drive’ model, using the feminine-masculine flow is like surfing and energy wave; I think of this model as ‘flow and go.’ When feminine energy is moving, a person can receive this energy and let it build until the movement shifts into a more productive phase. Likewise, when the flow is minimal or nonexistent, it is time to halt and simply be or seek restoration…Each of us enters the womb on a tide of powerful and deeply creative feminine energy. Yet because we are rewarded for developing an externalized sense of value based on what we do instead of who we are, this early feminine connection is often forgotten."

~Tami Lynn Kent from her upcoming book Wild Creative

.who is on your list.

I was listening to Dr. Brene Brown this morning talk about vulnerability and shame. She was talking about the "tightrope" of vulnerability saying,  "When we don't care at all what others think we lose our ability to connect, when we are defined by what people think we lose the courage to be vulnerable." I had to think about this for a long time and even still I am processing this - how this truth has affected me. I have fallen off both sides of this tightrope. Disconnecting with the world to guard myself from being wounded further and then chasing the validation of others. So how do we "walk this tightrope"? Brene told that she keeps a small piece of paper in her wallet, 1x1 inch and on it are the names of the people in her life whose opinion truly matter. She told an example of a make up artist asking if she had ever thought about botox for her wrinkles, this comment opened up a lot of insecurities of body image for her. Then when she got home her husband said "you look so beautiful today" and she immediately put her walls up thinking, oh you are just saying that because you love me...your opinion does count. WOW. Have you even thought something like that? I have. I have given so much of my energy/value to a stranger and then when someone I love who meets me in vulnerability I put all my walls up and discredit their words. Why? Why am I closing off myself to the person/people that should be on that tiny little list? Why do I so quickly give all of my value to the currency of an acquaintance? When these moments arise (and they SO often do!!) Brene says she asks herself if that person is on her list as a reference to her reaction.

This point of reference is bringing up so much for me. I am starting to realize that I keep falling off both sides so quickly - from disconnect to wide open - that I haven't made myself conscious of my list. Have I ever consciously made a list? I don't think so. I think I unconsciously have a list but is that even true with my life in this moment? 

Which brings up another point to this thought? Who is on your list? What happens when my list changes and I don't mentally/emotionally acknowledge this? How does this affect my ability to connect and be vulnerable with my world? How does this affect my perception of self? 

How is THIS perpetuating my falling off of the tightrope?

p.s. If you haven't heard Dr. Brene Brown before her TED talk is a great starting point.

.words to live by.

.fearlessness.

a photo from an afternoon walk in southern malawi 2012.

"don’t be too scared to venture down this new path, it might be new and frightening, but you can handle anything that comes your way as long as you have a strong sense of fearlessness and a willingness to get to the next stage in life. You need to have a zest for all that you are doing or else it will not work and you will not appreciate all of the strength you are attaining and all of the progress you are making."

anonymous 
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