28 April 2015

.t h i r t y o n e.

"Life always gives us
exactly the teacher we need
at every moment.
This includes every mosquito,
every misfortune,
every red light,
every traffic jam,
every obnoxious supervisor (or employee),
every illness, every loss,
every moment of joy or depression,
every addiction,
every piece of garbage,
every breath.

Every moment is the guru.”

- Charlotte Joko Beck

You know that feeling when you wake up from a vivid dream holding onto it and the moment you are fully awake it's gone except for the feelings it gave you?

I feel BIG movement happening in my life right now - ideas/perspectives/priorities are shifting (emerging). The newness - new perspective - new insight was whispered to me in the middle of the night - it's inside of me - but when I try to tell it the words stop right at the tip of my tongue.

I always write a blog post on my birthday - as a moment to reflect of the past year and looking forward to the next. I turned thirtyone 18 days ago! I start to write a post and find myself wanting to say something different. and I am not sure what to say or where to start.

As doors are closing in my life there are doors opening, which is a beautiful gift because in my life it always seems like the opening and closing tend to come in phases but in this moment it seems to all be happening simultaneously. Although, instead of finding gratitude for the opening doors I keep holding onto the hurt - rejection of the closing doors.

Why do I do this?
There are beautiful doors opening up for me. Doors offering opportunities that I have spent years trying to manifest in my life - yet - I find myself stuck in this cycle of loss. Then last night I realized something. I realized that I am holding onto those closing doors because it's a distraction - because if I hold onto those closing doors then I don't have to take that risk - that jump - that leap that the opening doors require of me. It's scary and unknown - they require my authentic self.

When I acknowledge these emotions and uncertainties I realize that really all the opening and closing are connected. That the closed doors aren't illuminating my weaknesses - they are pushing me towards the open doors - towards the pathway of following my heart - passion - my art. The Universe is saying "I am not going to give you any other options - GO FOR IT." Beautiful.

I hope you are able to see all the doors opening in your life right now.
Embracing them.
Allowing yourself to realize that YOU DESERVE the open doors.

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