25 March 2015

.words to live by.

the prairie lands of central washington
The being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably,
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


23 March 2015

.portland maine.

“Be vulnerable.
Let yourself be deeply seen,
love with your whole heart,
practice gratitude and joy…be able to say ‘I am thankful to feel this vulnerable because it means I am alive’,
and believe ‘I am enough.’
You are worthy of love & belonging.”
- Brene Brown, The Power of Vulnerability (via tblaberge)

I journeyed up to Portland, Maine to spend some time with a  dear friend this weekend. I am a wander and a nomad in my heart of hearts but this past year I have felt things changing and moving in my heart and desires – a desire to be somewhere – to stay – to root myself to a place BUT I still need that energy I gather from being in new surroundings. This weekend was a good reminder to make the time/plans to take day trips and weekend bus adventures.

I found Portland to be a quaint little fishing town with dreamy views of boats on the harbor, cobblestone streets and pungent fish markets BUT I could also feel the new energy come to the city in local businesses, art scene and amazing food. I had my first brown butter lobster roll at Eventide, whoa. 

It was only 36 hours but the new city and authentic conversations with my girl totally fed my soul and gave me so many things to think about and process. It was hard to come back to work this morning with all this energy to process and create. I hope you are making space for those things that fill you up and re-energize your spirit. 

Much Love.

17 March 2015

.practicing vulnerability.

I had one of those classic me moments last week
one of those moments that make me feel uncomfortable - exposed - embarrassed - vulnerable
one of those moments that make me want to pack up from here and...

...dive into a new project
...hold onto or aspire towards a role or title
...forget myself

one of those moments that retell that old story of "you knew it wasn't safe to share yourself - keep those walls up! Don't you remember what happened last time?"

but this time I listen to that old story and then I let it go
I didn't hold onto it
I just sat down right there with all those feelings!!
this time I acknowledged those feelings
this time I decided I was going to stay.

It is so hard for me to be vulnerable
I have been so conditioned NOT to be vulnerable
I am trying to practice vulnerability
I am trying to learn how to be more vulnerable

When I put down those walls (my guard) for a moment if it's not reciprocated, and there are going to be so many times I show my vulnerability that it will not be met with vulnerability because we have been taught that is our weakness.

I was listening to a great podcast, on being with Brene Brown where she said “we desperately want to connect with each other and with that vulnerability is the VERY first thing we look for in the other person and the VERY last thing we want to show of ourselves” so much truth in those words.

And it’s that moment that I am not met in vulnerability I start replay that tired old story all over again...but I am writing a new story - the real story.

Which is that it in those very small sweet tender moments I share my truest of self.
It is in those small moments that I am fiercely courageous.
It is in those small moments that I am growing and learning about my authentic self the most.
It is in those small moments that I am giving myself the greatest gift - to be open/connect/love and accept/receive/be love.

It doesn't mean that being vulnerable even for a second doesn't still make me scared/embarrassed/anxious but I am finding courage in the new story.

I hope you are finding a new story. new courage. new connections.

11 March 2015

the patterns of unawareness

Our bodies are so amazing. I am continually amazed by mine because I always limit my understanding of its capacity. I had one of those amazed moments yesterday.

I had an acupuncture treatment yesterday. It was so relaxing. I experienced a soft flow of vibrations in my hands, feet and forehead during and after I felt super relaxed and open. I went home and about an hour afterwards I had this emotional purge. I started crying - crying without any tangible reason, crying without a feeling a relief until it was just gone. I called my sister and while I was talking about it I suddenly had clarity. One aha! moment and then another, realizing these patterns of unawareness in my life. Whoa. I've never had an experience like this before. It was as if I had to rid the emotions out of my body to be able to truly see them.

From this I realized that my reactiveness towards my job was really a reaction towards an old wound that I was feeling. An old wound with many similarities to my current situation. I have been judging myself for having such strong reactions to little things and seeking so much validation - to hear “that is horrible” “you are totally right for feeling that way” because I didn’t think my feelings were valid. Seeing that it wasn’t just this moment. It’s never just this moment, right? I could better honor and respect my feelings, work to stop seeking validation (take OFF that victim outfit) and realize that THIS IS A SIGN. I have been here before, I have felt these feelings before and I have learned this is not a space that I can grow and thrive in. 

This is The Universe reminding me to stop being comfortable - jump - take a risk - make myself vulnerable - thrive - fully express myself. No matter what. YES!

SO much gratitude for such a fierce reminder. I hope you are feeling all the Universe is sending you and I hope that you embrace the uncomfortable - sometimes painful - fierce reminders.

Reminders that we are ALIVE in this moment.
Reminders that you have something unique to give this world.
Reminders that you deserve love.

04 March 2015

.sage hills.

This bitter cold of New England winter has made me ache for the rolling hills and valley of Central Washington, home. It's strange and beautiful that no matter how many places I visit/discover/experience it's always Central Washington that feels like home. It hasn't always been like that. There was an awareness/connect that settled into me from my time in Malawi, so many things were given to me in Malawi. A time to connect with the place I was living. When I returned to Washington after the land felt different - I felt connected to the hills - I needed to spend time on those hillsides. When I was in El Paso I had the same urge - I would go to mountains whenever I could - getting lost on a trail in the Franklin Mountains which gave me air and space but not the clarity. This year has found me out east in Boston and it fits for now. It is giving me so much in it's own way - giving me a lessons that can only come from a city but this long cold winter (it snowed last night!!)  has made me really miss Washington. 

I am an artist and I process my emotions though creating - leading me to my latest collection of jewels, Sage Hills. Each piece of this collection holds an element of that land and those beloved sage hills.
That hot dry sun with a gentle breeze
Looking down on the valley with the river 
flowing through the land
The hollow echoes of open space
With a gentle smell of sage
A stark - simple loneliness
A freedom - no expectations
Open faced and openhearted
Pulsing earth
With stories to be hear
Slow down
Be sure to check out the new wares in the aeo etsy shop.

20 February 2015

.black new moon.

The cold foggy scene from Boston on the black new moon.

Some of the latest creations from the studio.
aeo designs etsy shop update is happening sunday.

hope everyone is staying warm.

10 February 2015

.words to live by.

Winter is hard. Or rather this winter has been hard for me, challenging. Forcing me to sit with myself, breathe deep, share little tiny spaces with a lot of strangers, wait and wait and wait a little bit more for something to happen or to get somewhere, to expect the unexpected, to work extra hard with nothing in return, to ask the difficult questions and be ok with not having answers...and just when the day seems so long and I am ready to yell or run to hide in my room - I am given the most beautiful sunset. Calming me - reminding me that there is beauty/purpose in everything, I just have to allow myself to see it. 

I read this quote in a blog this morning and loved it. So much truth in it.

"Who you are is what has happened to you. Separate yourself from the learnt experiences of others. They are not you. Remember them, but remember also that the actions therein are those of another person who has experienced another life. They are not your actions. They are not your experiences. They are not your opinions, not your problems, not your anything. They are not yours. Separate yourself from what you have heard and been told and live in your now. Your now is where you are at this very moment. Your now is what is around you. Your now is how you feel when you close your eyes and breathe in slowly, and out slowly. Take control of your now. Be your now. Be you."

mexico rosel