21 April 2015

.words to live by.

"Whatever happened to our dreams? The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.” 

—Randall Munroe

05 April 2015

.blood moon.

Harvard at night.
With all the eclipse of late, full moon and the budding of spring days (FINALLY) I am feel so much energy to create - process - express

Spring is such a beautiful time of rebirth. 
Are you feeling it? 
How do you process - express - experience the unfolding of spring? 

The unfolding of spring has been such a physical experience this year - season - time for me. I had a strong urge to totally rearrange my room on Friday night - late. Saturday I made a nature mobile of things that I collected on a walk I took Friday. It's so beautiful to have these reminders that my body knows what I need so much more authentically than my thoughts - that false reality that is created by thoughts. I love those reminders when two totally separate events come together so perfectly and seamlessly - I couldn't of planned it. I went to the studio Saturday afternoon with no plans and created a beautiful ring that seemed to just come through me. 

Also, my birthday is coming up this week and like a mystery I found this amazing yoga and hiking retreat on my birthday. I felt like it was just what I've needed but it was full. I called to be placed on the wait list and they just had an opening. Gratitude to The Universe for the beautiful season of love and rebirth after all the heavy deep dark soul work of winter. 

Life is in bloom. I hope you take time to sit in the moment and smell the beauty that is this wild illusion.

.words to live by.

morning rays 
“Life's work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into your life wake you up rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be curious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will. It's going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. You can leave your marriage, you can quit your job, you can only go where people are going to praise you, you can manipulate your world until you're blue in the face to try to make it always smooth, but the same old demons will always come up until finally you have learned your lesson, the lesson they came to teach you."
The Wisdom of No Escape, Pema Chodron 

25 March 2015

.words to live by.

the prairie lands of central washington
The being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably,
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


23 March 2015

.portland maine.

“Be vulnerable.
Let yourself be deeply seen,
love with your whole heart,
practice gratitude and joy…be able to say ‘I am thankful to feel this vulnerable because it means I am alive’,
and believe ‘I am enough.’
You are worthy of love & belonging.”
- Brene Brown, The Power of Vulnerability (via tblaberge)

I journeyed up to Portland, Maine to spend some time with a  dear friend this weekend. I am a wander and a nomad in my heart of hearts but this past year I have felt things changing and moving in my heart and desires – a desire to be somewhere – to stay – to root myself to a place BUT I still need that energy I gather from being in new surroundings. This weekend was a good reminder to make the time/plans to take day trips and weekend bus adventures.

I found Portland to be a quaint little fishing town with dreamy views of boats on the harbor, cobblestone streets and pungent fish markets BUT I could also feel the new energy come to the city in local businesses, art scene and amazing food. I had my first brown butter lobster roll at Eventide, whoa. 

It was only 36 hours but the new city and authentic conversations with my girl totally fed my soul and gave me so many things to think about and process. It was hard to come back to work this morning with all this energy to process and create. I hope you are making space for those things that fill you up and re-energize your spirit. 

Much Love.

17 March 2015

.practicing vulnerability.

I had one of those classic me moments last week
one of those moments that make me feel uncomfortable - exposed - embarrassed - vulnerable
one of those moments that make me want to pack up from here and...

...dive into a new project
...hold onto or aspire towards a role or title
...forget myself

one of those moments that retell that old story of "you knew it wasn't safe to share yourself - keep those walls up! Don't you remember what happened last time?"

but this time I listen to that old story and then I let it go
I didn't hold onto it
I just sat down right there with all those feelings!!
this time I acknowledged those feelings
this time I decided I was going to stay.

It is so hard for me to be vulnerable
I have been so conditioned NOT to be vulnerable
I am trying to practice vulnerability
I am trying to learn how to be more vulnerable

When I put down those walls (my guard) for a moment if it's not reciprocated, and there are going to be so many times I show my vulnerability that it will not be met with vulnerability because we have been taught that is our weakness.

I was listening to a great podcast, on being with Brene Brown where she said “we desperately want to connect with each other and with that vulnerability is the VERY first thing we look for in the other person and the VERY last thing we want to show of ourselves” so much truth in those words.

And it’s that moment that I am not met in vulnerability I start replay that tired old story all over again...but I am writing a new story - the real story.

Which is that it in those very small sweet tender moments I share my truest of self.
It is in those small moments that I am fiercely courageous.
It is in those small moments that I am growing and learning about my authentic self the most.
It is in those small moments that I am giving myself the greatest gift - to be open/connect/love and accept/receive/be love.

It doesn't mean that being vulnerable even for a second doesn't still make me scared/embarrassed/anxious but I am finding courage in the new story.

I hope you are finding a new story. new courage. new connections.

11 March 2015

the patterns of unawareness

Our bodies are so amazing. I am continually amazed by mine because I always limit my understanding of its capacity. I had one of those amazed moments yesterday.

I had an acupuncture treatment yesterday. It was so relaxing. I experienced a soft flow of vibrations in my hands, feet and forehead during and after I felt super relaxed and open. I went home and about an hour afterwards I had this emotional purge. I started crying - crying without any tangible reason, crying without a feeling a relief until it was just gone. I called my sister and while I was talking about it I suddenly had clarity. One aha! moment and then another, realizing these patterns of unawareness in my life. Whoa. I've never had an experience like this before. It was as if I had to rid the emotions out of my body to be able to truly see them.

From this I realized that my reactiveness towards my job was really a reaction towards an old wound that I was feeling. An old wound with many similarities to my current situation. I have been judging myself for having such strong reactions to little things and seeking so much validation - to hear “that is horrible” “you are totally right for feeling that way” because I didn’t think my feelings were valid. Seeing that it wasn’t just this moment. It’s never just this moment, right? I could better honor and respect my feelings, work to stop seeking validation (take OFF that victim outfit) and realize that THIS IS A SIGN. I have been here before, I have felt these feelings before and I have learned this is not a space that I can grow and thrive in. 

This is The Universe reminding me to stop being comfortable - jump - take a risk - make myself vulnerable - thrive - fully express myself. No matter what. YES!

SO much gratitude for such a fierce reminder. I hope you are feeling all the Universe is sending you and I hope that you embrace the uncomfortable - sometimes painful - fierce reminders.

Reminders that we are ALIVE in this moment.
Reminders that you have something unique to give this world.
Reminders that you deserve love.