20 July 2016
I had a visit from an old lesson yesterday - I was mad and frustrated to meet again. To realize I have to try again - try harder - try differently. I have to learn my patterns. To realize that I (have and still) am going to travel this road over and over again until it teaches me all I need to digest it - to release it.
Yesterday I realized the pattern (lesson) and saw how holding onto the guilt of expectation - of not voicing my needs breaks down my flow and disconnects myself from reality. I was so annoyed at myself for being in this situation, being able to see in the moment the clear (disconnected) steps I took to reach this very place. Then I remembered what a friend who does body work recently told me, we have to feel it to heal it. Yes!
Last night was the full moon in capricorn bring up these under unresolved issues. Mystic mamma said "the Full Moon’s promise is that if you can fess up to reality and see what hides in the darkness, you’ll have a better chance of conjuring up a strategy to overcome it."
We have to go thru - not around to get where we are going. We feel it.
That moment of stagnant energy.
That moment of guilt.
That moment of not being true to ourselves - only lead us where we need to go.
To see these moments as the beautiful (uncomfortable) truths that we are alive and learning (unlearning) ourselves over and over again. Be kind to yourself.
14 July 2016
I'm moving out of my apartment this month and making studio space for the new collection coming soon so I decided to have an AEO sale on all the fiber necklaces. All necklaces are now only $25 and $20. This is a very special sale!! Be sure to check out all the necklaces in the AEO etsy shop now!
"Most things break instead of transform because they resist. The quiet miracle of love is that without our interference, it, like water, accepts whatever is tossed or dropped or placed into it, embracing it completely.”
“Of course, we are human and are easily hurt if not loved back or if loved poorly. But we waste so much of life’s energy deliberating who and what shall be worthy of our love when in the deepest elemental sense, these choices are not in our province, anymore than rain can choose what it shall fall upon.”
“Certainly we need to make decisions: Who will I spend my time with? Who will I learn from? Who will I live with? Who will I marry?
“But beneath all that, the element of love doesn’t stop being elemental. It does not stop covering everything before it. And over a lifetime, the pain of withholding this great and quiet force is more damaging than the pain of being rejected or loved poorly.”
“For love, like water can be dammed, but toward what end?”
“In truth, the more we let love flow through, the more we have to love. This is the inner glow that sages and saints of all ages seem to share: the wash of their love over everything before them; not just people, but birds and rocks and flowers and air.”
“Beneath the many choices we have to make, love, like water, flows back into the world through us. It is the one great secret available to all.
“Yet somewhere the misperception has been enshrined that to withhold love will stop hurt. In truth, it is the other way around. As water soaks scars, love soothes our wounds.”
“If opened up to, love will accept the angrily thrown stone, and our small tears will lose some of their burn in the great ocean of tears, and the arrow released to the bottom of the river will lose its point.”
~Mark Nepo from The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
Yesterday I resisted so many things that came my way - I made a decision to resist a situation in the morning and that seemed to setup the rest of my day to follow this pattern. I got irritated - made mistakes - didn't listen - disconnected. I was so drained from the day but decided to go to my Wednesday dance class, it always helps move energy. The class gave me the ability to get back into a state of flow - I can't resist in flow. At some point in towards the middle of the class I looked up at the high ceilings and saw the most magical big shadows dancing on the walls. It was such a beautiful reminder that I can change my perspective - my experience - my energy in any moment. I had read this words about love/flow in the morning but I couldn't understand them and then I read them again when I got home last night and found such beauty in them. Let love flow, always.
06 July 2016
02 July 2016
The fierce but tender and sensual wind wraps around me
as if to say - I am here
- it's ok to let go, a little bit
the wind always feels softer in the heavy humidity of summer.
it almost hides the sounds of
flights taking off and landing
children tired and hungry
but not quite - the city is still here
always making its presence known.
The light and shadows of the tree dance on and off of me
I wonder if I can find that lightness - flow
29 June 2016
“Follow your intuitive insightfulness! Heed its subtlest intimations, even if you can’t put them into words. Direct insights happen without words. It is a mistake to believe that only what is expressible can really be true. The Truth exists beyond all expressions.vThe Mystery all around us is so ungraspable that our limited concepts can only point at it. Now trust your most delicate feelings. They speak to you more clearly than any words.”
~Gayan Silvie Winter and Jo Dose
There's nothing that makes me feel more summer than sunbathing next to a body of water. I grew up going to a lake so going to water IS summer. Last summer, my first summer in New England I went to the Cape with my sister and totally fell in love with the ocean - the dunes - the cape. It's such a powerful feeling just looking out onto the flat horizon before me and the towering dunes behind me. It's a magical place for me that fills me up.
Do you have a place you go that feels like summer to you?
Do you have a place that recharges your spirit?
Where is it?
It was hard to come back to the loud busy city. We came back late Sunday night taking our time exploring the backroads of the small towns of the upper cape, eating as much seafood as we could handle and a little more with salty hair and dry sandy skin. There's such a freedom I find in summer.
So grateful for the beach - the ocean - the waves - the summer - the inspiration.
24 June 2016
It amazes me how one moment can change/refresh/illuminate something and slightly change the reflection of everything else. The past few weeks I have felt a lot of movement in my life - a lot of new reflections. I balance my time between reacting and sitting back curiously observing, trying to understand my feelings and my expectations and release them both.
Yesterday the city cut down the huge old linden tree in front of our house to prepare for more construction this summer. They say Boston has two seasons, winter and construction. The intense sun and muggy afternoons are finally back so construction season is here. I left the house in the morning and came back in the evening to find no tree and a home that seemed unknown. The entire street felt different - empty - stark - poor. It's amazing the influence of one thing in an environment. It made me think off all that I surround myself with and absorb - the perspectives and energies.
What do I pick up?
What do I expose myself to?
I'm headed out to the cape this weekend and so excited for a long quite drive by myself and some nourishing beach time. I feel like I process so much on long drives. Growing up on the west coast - long drives are just apart of life. Living in Central Washington you drive to Seattle, everyone does. 3-hour drive up out of the valley and up over the winding mountains and down into Seattle. It always gave me time and space and solitude - climbing up the mountains - thinking. Living on the East Coast for almost 2 years now I really feel how space/environment influences/effects humans and our interactions. The density of the East and the vastness of the West.
It's beautiful how connected me all are to each other - the seasons - the earth - constant movement - the impermanence of it all.