.8:32 pm.

It’s 8:32 pm and the sky is still bright and the land illuminated.
The time just before the sky turns into a warm orange/yellow color, the last burst of the day.
The crickets have started their mediative chants and the faintest scurries of attic mice can be heard. Yet, there’s still a few more moments of day.
It feels like days could last forever in May, almost June.
I wonder -
how I ever survive winter?
if I can hold onto this time month/season?
how I can forget the magic of light and late nights every year?
The days always seem longer than last, like a forgotten dream.
8:45 pm and the gray sky begins to settle in, the goodbyes made
another day
I heard Joy Harjo speak a few years ago, she said that sunset was the time to thank the day
and then let it go
the day and all its contents are gone, not to return
we can only be here
moving forward

.tiny observations from a tiny cottage.

I moved into a tiny cottage yesterday in the foothills of the Cascade mountains. It feels like new beginnings, a little bit of stark freshness of my modern apartment in Portugal, a little bit of the Ecuador in the surrounding of deep lush green, a little bit of the openness and silence of my house on the hill in Malawi and even a little bit of that feeling when I moved back to the PNW after 2 years in Ecuador - I guess it’s all the energy greeting me again. Maybe I’m finding my energy again or maybe it’s just showing me I’m where I need to be right now. These tiny little moments always greet me, new and so familiar.

Do you ever have those moments when it all feels connected?

It’s a wonderful little cottage with lots of big windows and every window has a view of green, nature fully surrounds the house. It makes for the best morning shadows painting the walls with leaves and branches when I wake up and slowly drifting around the room while I drink my morning coffee. Last night the wind came in strong gushes around the house making the trees sway and move about in unchoreographed ecstatic dances. Reminding me why I like to live surrounded by nature, you are constantly reminded of the beautiful of it all, even in the tiniest moments. 

.control :: comfort.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “home” what it means, what it represents, what it fulfills within us. Home can be a place of deep belonging, ownership, comfort, ritual, knowledge...a place to grow deeper in the way of a long slow practice.

I’ve been frustrated in my new city. It feels hard here. It feels like door are closed and I kept knocking and knocking and I’m tired of knocking. I start feeling frustrated with this place. I start questioning being here because if I’m meant to be here would things open up...wouldn’t opportunity find me? I started to feel like this must be a sign I need to pay attention to! 

This isn’t a new feeling for me. I feel this at some point everywhere I go and live. So on top of feeling like everything is hard here I started to react to the fact that I’m right here again. In the cycle I am trying to change. I came here to change it and it found me, again. 

A few days ago when I was feeling super frustrated I drove out to my favorite place, the arboretum. It’s a magical lush land right on the Blue Ridge Parkway. I walked along my favorites trails and began recognizing my frustration during this time coming out in forms of trying to control my environment. I started to gain awareness that my frustration is really discomfort of the unknown. The ambiguity and instability that surrounds all aspects of me right now makes me yearn for control. So I began to think about home and this desire to have a home to be home. Whatever that means.... I started to wonder if this idea of home is really an interconnected relationship between comfort and control?

Why do we find comfort in home?
Is the comfort found in the control of knowing? 
What is home? 
How do we define home? 
A specific place? 
A landscape? 
A person? 
A feeling?

I mentioned meeting Barbara the Buddhist on a flight a few months ago and when we were talking about “home” we were referring to the West in that conversation. As we were beginning to land she said "when I look out at Asheville it isn’t home but when I see my Husband then I’ll be home". So she’s referring to a “home” landscape and a person. 

How do you define home?

I’m just starting to peel away the layers of this expansive thought. I see the deep potential to learn here, in this place of unknown landscapes and culture. Amongst all this frustration I’m able to see this as an opportunity for deep practice in self-awareness and understanding my tendencies. I’m grateful. 

.make time to visit.

I'm out west in the arid foothills of the cascade mountains, my hometown. I've been going on daily walks in my favorite places. I cherish so many corners of this place - the colors + textures and the knowing of a place so deeply. 

Three days ago I went on a hike and looked at a sagebrush I remembered collecting sage from years ago. Yesterday, I went on a hike and remembered my favorite patch of winter blooms from a visit last year. Today I walked next to the Columbia river and remembered hot summer days of kayaking thru inlets and that cove where the sparrows sit in the high trees and squak so loud it drowns out the sound of traffic that echoes of the empty field next to the trail. Maybe it's because I travel so much that there is such a richness to visit these dear places, again and again or maybe it's just the connection I have to here because it's the land that raised me. 

I'm so grateful for it - this land feeds me. It taught me how to have a relationship with land. I walk these special corners with such gratitude of the colors + textures + sounds. 

Do you have places you visit? Where are there? Are they places you've known forever or are they new? 

.full moon SUPER moon in Taurus.

Some healing thoughts for this beautiful SUPER moon tonight! I hope it's clear where you are.

"Spend time in places where the land is untouched and wild and you can align your heartbeat with that of Mother Earth. Allow her energy to soothe our souls, ground us and remind us of what is eternal and true. We all belong. There is work ahead, but we are in this together. We are the bridge, and we must each individually and collectively continue to work on healing the divides."

“We’re empowered when we enjoy the present, neither mourning the past nor dreading the future. We’re stronger when we let go of the toxic need to be drawn into intrigues and power plays."

- Mystic Mamma

.where I'm from.

A few weeks ago I went back to Washington, my home state for a few days for a dear friends' wedding after a year and that was only for 2 days so it's really been 2 years since I have spent a good amount of time in Washington. I was excited to see what it felt like to be in Washington. What would the year on the East Coast feel like - would I feel/see the difference in my reflection against the PNW background?

I did. It felt different. It felt quiet. There was a solitude, which felt big and a little lonely to my east coast layers. Then we went for a hike up castle rock and there it was - that feeling - that energy - that belonging. If there's anything that reminds me of where I am from it's those desert hues of the sage foothills. Maybe it's not my home but those are the hills that raised me - the hills that taught me to feel inspirations - the hills that calm me - the hills I use to whisper my secrets to - the hills that fill my soul with the urge to create - those hills are my cleansing ocean wave in the the arid inland terrain.

What gives you that urge? Overflows your soul? Energizes your whole being? Where do you find that? I'd love to hear!!

.new moon in taurus.

Happy New Moon in beautiful earthy Taurus!! A great reminder to slow down, re-calibrate our balance and root down into our connections.

 I had a super busy weekend trying to fit social, jewelry and work all in together!! I finally finished a work event today at 4pm and ran to the jewelry studio to work but as soon as I got there I couldn't work on anything. I was tired and distracted - I had to leave. I came home, made dinner and just sat outside enjoying the sunset and felt my energy settle. I was totally ignoring this beautiful new moon, forcing today to be a doing day when what I really needed was to just be present, be outside and slow down. It's so funny how life gives us just what we need (if we are aware) - today I met someone who visits my hometown often for work. This is so random as I am from a small town on the west coast and here I am in Boston. We talked for 30 minutes all about joys and quirks of my hometown - it made me so happy to be connected today and wasn't until later that I realized this moment was totally the new moon. I called to tell my Mom about my hometown convo and we started talking about tiny homes and I felt a tug to buy land, build a home and root myself to a place. This has been a forever dream of mine - I just haven't found the place yet but it was so beautiful to feel the desire wash over me - still true. What a sweet new moon this is!

I hope you allowed yourself time to slow down and connect. What came up for you during this new moon? What do you do to celebrate a new moon?

.sage hills.

This bitter cold of New England winter has made me ache for the rolling hills and valley of Central Washington, home. It's strange and beautiful that no matter how many places I visit/discover/experience it's always Central Washington that feels like home. It hasn't always been like that. There was an awareness/connect that settled into me from my time in Malawi, so many things were given to me in Malawi. A time to connect with the place I was living. When I returned to Washington after the land felt different - I felt connected to the hills - I needed to spend time on those hillsides. When I was in El Paso I had the same urge - I would go to mountains whenever I could - getting lost on a trail in the Franklin Mountains which gave me air and space but not the clarity. This year has found me out east in Boston and it fits for now. It is giving me so much in it's own way - giving me a lessons that can only come from a city but this long cold winter (it snowed last night!!)  has made me really miss Washington. 

I am an artist and I process my emotions though creating - leading me to my latest collection of jewels, Sage Hills. Each piece of this collection holds an element of that land and those beloved sage hills.

-----------------

That hot dry sun with a gentle breeze

Looking down on the valley with the river 

flowing through the land

The hollow echoes of open space

With a gentle smell of sage

A stark - simple loneliness

A freedom - no expectations

Open faced and openhearted

Pulsing earth

With stories to be hear

Slow down

Connect

------------------

Be sure to check out the new wares in the aeo etsy shop.

.new digs.

new job and new digs - what a way to start 2013.

.flower power friday.

 "We have never stayed "home" long enough to experience the truth about ourselves” 

Wow. To be honest it’s been a long, trying, tiresome, frustrating, motivation-fading week...I think it’s because I’ve been forced to hold the mirror and really look at myself. Experience myself in raw light – that can shatter the picture I’ve painted. To admit that ugly mean angry person was me. I was discouraged and talking with my Sister last night, sharing my feelings that (most days) my work doesn’t seem purposeful or fruitful. She said but you are working, finding out what you want, and in a way I think she was telling me “staying home”. These situations are distractions pulling outside of myself and losing my focus/concentration. I hope I can recharge this weekend and be more mindful of “staying home” next week.  

It's Friday! Despite of my grumblings my formal presentation meeting with the district hospital management team was yesterday and I received a unanimous YES on our project plan!!, I submitted my grant for the project, friends are en route to the pioneer mansion (can i hear an amen for a ladies weekend with an old college friend and a new friend), and plans are brewing (a brick oven maybe the newest addition to the pioneer mansion in the next coming weeks)...

Also, I finally made time yesterday to have my newest market find (yes, Mom I am still playing dress up and pretending like I was a child of the 60's!) tailored. wowza! These colors are energizing me today (even if it is a little ridic! ha).

What are your weekend plans? Much love to you all always.

a

.living room.

i love apartment therapy's house tour so i too am going to give you a "pioneer mansion" tour, room by room. today we will be starting with the living room.

it is the first impression of the house and a great place for a good afternoon read. i just wish i could take credit for the amazing red and pink fireplace, but sadly those props go to the Malawi Housing Authority (yes that's the Malawi gov't). bravo!
enjoy the tour.



p.s. if you haven't read "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by now...do yourself a favor and READ IT!

 more rooms to come...

.nurturing space.

i have a home, and it's wonderful. come visit.