.weary strength.

last night i cried. a hard cry. i haven't cried for a while (or at least since I hugged my sister goodbye on the crib in front of the airport in my pajamas). my emotions have been sitting heavy on me these past days. i cried to let it all out. i cried even past the point of thinking i shouldn't be crying anymore.

birthing the acknowledgement of loss (of things of which I have been in denial for a while).
the frustration (that things are/and will continue to constantly change and in ways i don't understand or like).
the confusion (of making a big decision and realizing that it isn't all i thought it would be).
the complexity (of life that nothing is yes or no but more a hope and a gamble).
the loneliness (of forging ahead without my pillars and trying not to look back).

and i woke up this morning calm.
reinvigorated.
strong in myself.
confident in my abilities.
despite all those heavy emotions still very much alive and thriving inside of me.

but i realized that in these transitions, births, moments of facing the now - there is great beauty in my ability to shine. that moments of weariness will become my moments of strength.

mantra:

i don't need the answer right now.
i don't need to figure it out.
i don't need to smile it away.
just breathe.

.commitment.

photo taken by caitlyn bradburn.

No matter how far I go, how high the mountains I climb, or how much I open my heart it seems that when commitment (to a decision) comes a knockin’ on my door I rush to turn off the lights and pretend I’m not home...maybe if I’m quiet long enough it’ll just leave.

Despite experiencing over and over the beautiful power found in saying YES, in saying NO, in standing alone, in standing with, the beautiful power in holding firm to myself and my values.

Commitment is letting go of the control and acknowledging I already have the answers inside.  

It’s time once again to turn down the volume of fear and breathe in peace.

Peace in trusting myself.

Peace in the belief that I am enough.

Peace in every moment is just right.
----------------------------------------------------
following in inspiration, I received this beautiful truth today:

"There are no promised moments. This is NOT a dress rehearsal. I feel inspired, motivated and pushed to say, "I love you" to those I love as much as I can. I feel inspired to take risks. I feel pushed to look at my fear and step INTO it, rather then shy away from it. I am feeling time passing more and more and with it, it is whispering to me, "Do what you are afraid of, you won't regret it. Love out loud, you won't forget it. Live in the now, it is your present. The future is bright if you let it... be.""  -the daily love.


much love to you all always.