12 September 2013

.weary strength.

last night i cried. a hard cry. i haven't cried for a while (or at least since I hugged my sister goodbye on the crib in front of the airport in my pajamas). my emotions have been sitting heavy on me these past days. i cried to let it all out. i cried even past the point of thinking i shouldn't be crying anymore.

birthing the acknowledgement of loss (of things of which I have been in denial for a while).
the frustration (that things are/and will continue to constantly change and in ways i don't understand or like).
the confusion (of making a big decision and realizing that it isn't all i thought it would be).
the complexity (of life that nothing is yes or no but more a hope and a gamble).
the loneliness (of forging ahead without my pillars and trying not to look back).

and i woke up this morning calm.
strong in myself.
confident in my abilities.
despite all those heavy emotions still very much alive and thriving inside of me.

but i realized that in these transitions, births, moments of facing the now - there is great beauty in my ability to shine. that moments of weariness will become my moments of strength.


i don't need the answer right now.
i don't need to figure it out.
i don't need to smile it away.
just breathe.


Alita said...

Ugly cries uplift the soul. You may not be without your burdens, but you've let go and now you can breathe.

Here is to easy breathing today.


alicia said...

SO true. Thanks for your kind words, Alita! <3