.what now.

I am forever curious. It's something that I pride myself on - it's something that allows me to take brave jumps into the unknown over and over again. It's also something that keeps me painfully aware of this internal compass, that despite my best attempts to ignore or drag my heels into the ground it wakes me up in the middle of the night and doesn't let me go back to sleep. I can list off every single one of these instances - they are branded in my memory maybe as reminders that against my initial reactions things will work out - this is just the process. 

I remember 5 years ago I was living in a restored barn in a small town north of Seattle working as a Health Educator at a Community Health Clinic. I had just returned a little over a year from serving in the Peace Corps for two years in Ecuador and I started to feel that internal compass. My days were running into each other - my energy was sagging - the question, what now. I had been contemplating whether or not to go to midwifery school and had also applied to water sanitation program with Peace Corps Response in El Salvador. The midwifery school invited me to come do a 24hr shift at the birth center and 2 two weeks later Peace Corps called me to say that the water sanitation program didn't exist anymore but they thought I would be the perfect candidate for a new program in Malawi. Wait, what? Where? I didn't even know where Malawi was, I am a traveler but really I was a Latin American traveler. All my experiences of to that point had been to Latin America. That is where I travel - that is where I want to travel - I speak Spanish. The birth center was in El Paso, Texas just a mile from the border. I know Mexico. I love Mexico. I've been working with moms and babies forever - it's what I do. It seemed like the perfect fit - a longtime goal/dream. I went to the birth center for a 24hr shift. It was small and chaotic - it was Mexico. I loved it. A returned home and within a few weeks a receieve a letter of acceptance to the midwifery program and an offer from Peace Corps to go to Malawi for 9 months. I didn't know what to do. The midwifery program seems like the perfect fit but there was something about Malawi that I just couldn't say no to. I ran all the possible what ifs over and over in my head, made pro and con lists for both and then called my mom. She asked why I wouldn't go to Malawi and I said, "Because I'm scared" and she said, "then you already have your answer." That curiosity - that internal compass sometimes starts out looking/feeling like fear and when I walk thru it I find the most beautiful things. I went Malawi. It broke my heart and healed it. It made me feel rooted and alive in ways I'd never experienced before. 

Curiousity is knocking at my door, again. I've been living in Boston for the past almost 3 years. That is the longest time I have spent in any one place since I graduated college (10 years ago!). It has been such an adventure living on the east coast - it's a different world from the west coast in so many ways. I took risks - I learned a new speed of life - I became bolder from the city - I explored New England - I met new people. It was feeling comfortable but I started to feel that internal compass. I started to open doors to see what would come and out of nowhere an opporunity started to unfold from small town, Sun Valley, Idaho in the Sawtooth Mountains. A chance to work in reproductive rights. A chance to feel like I’m investing in what I believe during a time that demands us all to speak up. So I’m moving west again. I’m sad to leave that city I have grown to know and the little community I was apart of - it seems like with all things being questioned and challenged what we really need is community and love and support but I made the decision to live a life that demands risks - that expands and new places seem to be the way that my life unfolds. It seems we don’t always process our learning until we leave and I feel I am just starting to see all the love and support that Boston gave me, a tough love but a love nonetheless. A firmness that allowed me to grow taller. A pace that helped to begin to leave perfection aside for the opportunity to complete the task. I’m grateful for all the teachers I met in Boston. My heart feels sad in a lot of ways but also excited to see what unfolds in a small town in the mountains. 

.day 59.

I've landed back in the states - it feels so surreal to be back in my house with all the same things - people - smells just as they were in December but I feel so different, maybe it's just the 24 hours of traveling and sleep deprivation.  I woke to a dark cold day and I'm grateful for the chance to slowly unpack and settle into this place again. 

.summah nights.

.the pond.

It's was almost six months to the day since I had been to the pond. I was walking on the path, around the cove right before you arrive at the original site of Henry David Thoreau's house and the wire fence snagged the scarf I was holding. It was almost exactly the same place that the wire fence snagged my jacket those 6 months ago. It's amazing the energy and messages place hold for us.

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Do you ever have experiences like that? A tiny moment of connection? New awareness?

.getting lost.

Yesterday I was working in a neighborhood that I’ve never been to before and because of this I had to take a new way home. I looked at the map before I left I assumed I would be able to figure it out, this is typical of me to assume I can figure it out. I can figure it out – it just almost always takes more time than I expect. I am an Aries so I need to figure things out for myself even if it is frustrating or takes more time. SO typical me moment, I started riding home and after about a mile of riding I began to feel like I wasn’t going the right direction anymore…thankfully some kind man stopped riding to redirect me. Since I rode past the original path I was on a different bike path that ended up being a conservation byway. It was beautiful – lush and green – running parallel with the Charles river. The view looked like I had been transported to the swampy south with the low hanging trees and the brimming river. Beautiful.

This has been a stressful week – there are transitions happening in my life with tight deadlines – I needed to “get lost” – I needed to just go for a bike ride and enjoy the view. If we (I) stop ourselves (myself) from reacting when plans/expectations stray the anticipated course we (I) can find some beautiful lessons/moments/ events RIGHT when we (I) need them.

Always trust that the Universe is taking care of you and giving you what you need.

So grateful.

.sage hills.

This bitter cold of New England winter has made me ache for the rolling hills and valley of Central Washington, home. It's strange and beautiful that no matter how many places I visit/discover/experience it's always Central Washington that feels like home. It hasn't always been like that. There was an awareness/connect that settled into me from my time in Malawi, so many things were given to me in Malawi. A time to connect with the place I was living. When I returned to Washington after the land felt different - I felt connected to the hills - I needed to spend time on those hillsides. When I was in El Paso I had the same urge - I would go to mountains whenever I could - getting lost on a trail in the Franklin Mountains which gave me air and space but not the clarity. This year has found me out east in Boston and it fits for now. It is giving me so much in it's own way - giving me a lessons that can only come from a city but this long cold winter (it snowed last night!!)  has made me really miss Washington. 

I am an artist and I process my emotions though creating - leading me to my latest collection of jewels, Sage Hills. Each piece of this collection holds an element of that land and those beloved sage hills.

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That hot dry sun with a gentle breeze

Looking down on the valley with the river 

flowing through the land

The hollow echoes of open space

With a gentle smell of sage

A stark - simple loneliness

A freedom - no expectations

Open faced and openhearted

Pulsing earth

With stories to be hear

Slow down

Connect

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Be sure to check out the new wares in the aeo etsy shop.

.black new moon.

The cold foggy scene from Boston on the black new moon.

Some of the latest creations from the studio.

aeo designs etsy shop update is happening sunday.

hope everyone is staying warm.

.snow day.

It's been a very dry New England winter, cold but dry. So when I woke up yesterday morning I was surprised and a little excited to see the huge snowflakes rapidly falling. Maybe it was just the change - the new energy that it brought. I've always loved fresh snow for it's ability to make things feel so quiet and calm. I walked to my jewelry studio and the city seemed so zen - like the snow had forced (allowed) all these busy people a chance to slow down - to take a breath. Or maybe it allowed me to take a breath from the city. 

.a conversation.

The further I drift away the more I find in it

or maybe the colors are simply changing.

Because what was - simply was

and what is - is.

The reality of then can never be relived because it is no longer my reality

but the way it affects and filters through me is

constantly changing - impacting.

Maybe I am still confused.

Maybe it ungrounded me more that I allowed myself to see.

Maybe this is just the process of growth

Maybe the journey is only just

beginning.

How do I want to change?
How will I regenerate myself?
How do I seek balance?

The never ending conversation.

The conversation of all conversations.

.boston in photos.

.i live here.

I moved to Boston two weeks ago. I love it.

A city that has come alive with the beginning of another academic year.
Encompassed by bodies of water.
Brimming with history.
Embraced with green spaces.
Bred with diversity.
It's beautiful here.