I've been reading The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo everyday (so good!!) and something from yesterday's entry really spoke to me, it said "only rarely have I let go completely, yet those moment of total surrender have throughly changed my life." "When lonely and afraid to reach out, I have somehow collapsed repeatedly into the ocean of another's love, and it cleansed my weary heart." I found those words to hold such a beautiful vulnerability, to "collapse repeatedly into the ocean of another's love" I thought about how rare it is for me let go enough to collapse into another's love.

I started thinking about why I keep it all in.
I started thinking about all the things I've learned - absorbed!
The quietness that I have claimed - the weakness - the obedience - the fear.

I realized that in order to collapse into the ocean of another's love I have to choose myself! I have to  start saying I know what is best - that I know what I need - that I deserve all the goodness that is before me.  TO CHOOSE myself! TO RESIDE inside myself with a deep rootedness. TO STOP choosing fear.

I went to Walden Pond yesterday and swan and read and sunbathed and then walked around the pond. I've been going on walks lately trying to pay attention more - observe/absorb. Every time I find so much beauty in the decaying tress - the gaping bark - the hollow trunks - to see the cycle of life/death/regeneration/repurpose - the flow of life in such a tangible way.

.the pond.

It's was almost six months to the day since I had been to the pond. I was walking on the path, around the cove right before you arrive at the original site of Henry David Thoreau's house and the wire fence snagged the scarf I was holding. It was almost exactly the same place that the wire fence snagged my jacket those 6 months ago. It's amazing the energy and messages place hold for us.

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Do you ever have experiences like that? A tiny moment of connection? New awareness?