Saturday I was first up to "catch" at the clinic. I ended up having two back to back long labor sits. The first one was 12 hours long and when she reached our time limit (state laws and midwifery practices don't agree or make sense most of the time!) we had to transfer her care to the hospital it was awkward - sad - frustration - isolating. But since I didn't "catch" I was back up again and at 12:50am another third time Mama came and things looked to be going quickly but the third baby is always a wild card. She was also a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) which meant I had to check fetal heart tones every 15 mins. And after 6 hours and 24 rounds and no sleep she requested to be transferred to the hospital because she had been in labor for 3 days and she was tired (and in need of family support that wasn't there).
It was my longest shift - emotionally and physically. I came home and drank a big mug of calming skullcap tea and slept for a few hours.
It's always a strange feeling - a day after shift - an incomparable haze that comes over you. You have to move your body no matter how tired you are - the key to success. So Bianchi and I headed out to explore a bike trail on the westside.
The sun was setting and there was even a few trees changing colors - an almost fall evening. It was beautiful and cleared my mind. I was thinking about the day - the night - the shift and realized through these uncomfortable - unsure - cumbersome - clumsy moment that I'm slowly realizing all my abilities.
In the weakest of moments is when I only begin to find my strength.
estoy encontrando mi fuerza.
and once again remember that it is the fragility of life that makes it all that more beautiful.