14 March 2012

.facing our fears and finding truth in the moment.

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek". - Joseph Campbell

What do you fear? I fear so many things, commitment, vulnerability, judgment, …I won’t bore you with the novel. I was reading a recent daily love talking about the power found in facing, acknowledging, naming our fears. It asked how can we imagine our potential when our view is cluttered with fear?
My Mother raised me with sweet loving words. She told me from a young age of the care and pride that filled her body while she carried me. Birthing me naturally, welcoming me into this world with love and confidence in her body.
But as a young girl I frequently watched “A Baby Story” on TLC (what a TV choice, right?). I was frightened (to say the least) but enthralled, I knew of my birth story (a real story) and held it near my heart but was somehow capsized by the “truths” of these women’s stories. Honestly, I remember being 13 unable to change the (horrible) channel while FREAKING OUT I would be THAT woman some day. Strapped down, distraught, screaming (is she possessed????). Hoping by the time I was to have children science would “outsmart” the body. That’s almost 15 years ago but the fear was real. It took me years to see the beauty in pregnancy. The first birth I attended was so overwhelming I almost had to leave the room.
Birth – labor – life is powerful, demanding, raw, unknown any and all of these attributes can be felt as fearful.
Our words of it’s fine, I’ll deal with it when it comes, what if - are all fanning the flames of fear, quietly building inside of us. This quote really connected me to my early formed memories of birth, “these old thoughts and ideas (fears) are energy in our lives that rob us of the moment” this is telling me that without presence I can’t progress – I’m static. “When we can begin to trust our perception of the truth in the moment. There is a power in the process, an unfettering of the mind and spirit” Slowing letting go of my thoughts and ideas (fears/A Baby Story flashbacks) I stayed in that room watching Sarahi’s body shift and push her little boy into this world. She wasn’t strapped down, she didn’t even scream, but she fought, she needed love, encouragement, and together we greeted Joshua in this world. I had to let go of my formulated version of “truth” which allowed me to see the beauty in the moment, the truth of the moment.
As of late:
I fear commitment/decisions. Decisions to me mean missing out on something else, so I don’t like to commit/decide until I have to.
This week I was allowing myself to get eaten up by a decision. Not a monumental decision, but a decision nonetheless. I let it chew on me until I was drained and weak. With encouragement and trust I realized that there was no right or wrong, but an answer. My answer.
By facing my fear I found a truth and power in the process.


Rosalyn said...

What a beautiful post, you're a lovely writer! Thank you so much for commenting on my blog. I am very happy to now have discovered yours and look forward to touching base in future. It looks like your blog will be fascinating--my best friend is in Africa as well (studying bonobos in the Congo) and so I already have a sincere interest in the adventures and challenges of living and working in such a different continent from ours. Take care and I will be visiting often!

Kgo said...

So refreshing to know that I am not the only one with birthing fears. When I opened up your blog to read that you were also blogging about fear this week, I had to smile :) This weekend in my marathon I face my other great fear: regret.

Jenni said...

I went to a conference this week and spent a day reflecting on balance, i.e. figuring out what kind of life I want to lead as a professional/partner/friend/mother? and what stuck with me is the quote "fear is the only thing that the closer you get to it the smaller it becomes" - so true!!!