.stitch journal.

 I started a stitch journal this year. The original idea, I believe, came from Claire Wellesley Smith, author of many books, including Slow Stitch: Mindful and Contemplative Textile Art. It's a simple daily practice. It will be a beautiful reflection upon the end of the year. Even this morning, only five days into the new year, it struck me how illusive time is. The new year feels so far out until it arrives, and time speeds up, and we're almost a week into 2023. 

I love the presence of this practice. As I mentioned in my last post, I selected a word for this year - attune. To find harmony continues to resonate. I stitched attune in the middle of the journal/piece of fabric to remind myself every morning of this intention. 

.prioritizing time.

I've experienced a really powerful change lately. I have started prioritizing my time. 

I'm doing this in two ways:

1. Schedule my time (look at how am I using my time)

A friend has been helping me to better schedule my week - be more efficient with my time. I started using iCal color coding my activities. Although, I'm not strict it has really helped me to be more conscious of my time and how I am using it. I can rearrange the hours but I need to get all the hours in during the week. I use to just let things happen which most times turned into give more time to distractions or others AND making it so much easier to allow fear to sidetrack my priorities. 

2. Creating a morning ritual

I've realized as obvious as it seems, the way I start my day will determine my day. If I start my day not balanced I am so much more open to all the distractions - challenges - bumps that maybe come but if I take time to connect with myself I'm less likely to fall from myself. 

• Morning Ritual
• make my bed (this just helps me to transition to being awake)
• make coffee
• write 1 page in my journal - this can be anything I just HAVE to write one page
• read from an inspiring book (right now I'm reading "The ten-second miracle")
• meditate
• make breakfast
• head out to the studio

I've been making this a priority (habit) the past two weeks and have felt a big change in myself. These small practices help me to be more IN myself which allow me to be more present in all my interactions.

This weekend though I started to feel this resistance with completing a task related to my jewelry. I just keep putting it off over and over. I think normally I would've just ignored it - "I have to wait until I feel inspired to do it" but I had made it a priority to get it done this week. So I forced myself to sit down and do it but I kept feeling something. "The Ten-Second Miracle" suggestions 3 questions to ask when an issue arises the first one being, "Regarding this issue, what do I most need to face right now that I've been avoiding?"

Where is the resistance coming from? Why do I keep putting this off? I realized that I was scared - afraid to commit to something and then risk failing. 

I have to make about 120 pieces of jewelry by the end of this month and I needed to make an inventory list. I had already deigned the pieces I just need to quantify the list but I kept changing my mind on what to send to the boutique wth the largest request. I realized that I knew what I was doing and what I wanted to do - I was just fearful. It's a risk for me to send so many pieces to this boutique and last summer I sent a few pieces at the end of the season but they didn't sell well. 

I realized that I need to trust myself and commit to my art. I made the inventory list and will start making the pieces this morning in the studio. 

These practices and this experience of identifying the deeper issue of the matter have really solidified my understand/belief that how I use time/what I give time to is such a huge indicator of how I prioritize and what I value. It's so easy for me to not be my biggest supporter. To make subconscious choices that don't move myself forward. When I allow things to happen it's really not choosing myself. 

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What's your interaction with time? How do you prioritize your schedule? What do you prioritize? Are you choosing yourself? If not, what do you need to face in order to do that? What have you been avoiding? What do you need to say/accept in order to move forward?  

I hope you have a wonderful week! Happy Monday!

.day 20.

That past few days I've felt a shift happening inside of myself. I started feeling anxious, I've been here 3 weeks now....what am I doing with my time? I'm wasting time. 3 weeks - I have these feelings like I want/need/have to change the way I make art/run my jewelry business - but how? My teacher has been so amazing to open my eyes in a new way, I look at jewelry differently now. I can't make the same pieces I was making before, but what do I want to make? I sat down yesterday and forced myself to sketch some ideas. I need to be sketching! I didn't like anything that I did. I started losing myself in these direct questions and expectations and sat with no answers for anything.

I've started reaching for/relying on these mindless loops of checking emails - did anyone write me?,  checking instagram - do people like my picture?, going to the grocery store - I should try a new recipe, not knowing what to do for the day...distracted and detached. Thus began the second wave of judgement, I am inside of a dream right now! I live in an adorable apartment in an magical town in Portugal, everything should be the best (and easy)! I wake up every morning grateful to be here but this was something moving deep inside of me. This trip is different in ways from other trips I've taken, it's been more meditative. I go out and explore the land here but I'm not on the move. I have made friends in town but I'm not trying to meet a lot of people or find the best spots in town. I spend a lot of quiet time with myself. I think all of this has allowed time and space to shift things, to feel the emerging of something. I came home from metalsmithing class last night and was planning on going to the local bar to meet people but I didn't want to go. I started feeling overwhelmed and lonely. I checked my email, instagram, blogs and made dinner. These mindless loops led me to Kyle Cease. He's part comedian/part motivational speaking, you might have seen this video go around the internet. He started this 100 day meditation challenge for himself. He meditates for around 2 hours everyday and then posts a video about what came up for him. I started watching the introduction video and totally connected to what he was saying, how we live in a world where we try to take care of/figure out things SO directly we end up getting in the way of amazing ideas. The more we relax - the more ideas come through. YES! I am pressured by time and after just enjoying my space here for the first 2 weeks (vacation/settling in phase) I've started to feel the pressure/expectation of time or lack of time and shifted my perspective from "enjoy" to "figure this out!" "where's that great idea?" "what's the detailed business plan?""why haven't you designed a new line to jewelry yet??" Such a powerful realization!! This journey here keeps reminding me to TRUST more and to be more KIND to myself. 

I started meditating today. I set an alarm for 20 minutes and went for it. I am challenging myself to meditate everyday for the rest of my time here to see what emerges. I also challenging myself to stop looking so directly at my anxieties and questions but instead to be more thoughtful with my time and fill it with things that fulfill me - to be present in this beautiful space. 

-bike rides

-blogging

-taking pictures

-trying new Portuguese recipes

-collecting things at low tide 

-making weavings from found natural objects

-do yoga

-meet local artists

-try espresso and all the cafes

-practice Portuguese

-read books

-explore the Ria Formosa area

-and more!!