.ripples and waves.

Sometimes change comes in small ripples and other times it comes in big huge waves. Sometimes the small tiny ripples can be more disorientating because it's so subtle I can almost not notice. Sometimes a wave can be more disorientating because it can wipe out everything that you have known. Things are changing again for me - it feels like wave is just building. It's an exciting waves - a new adventure wave - I guess they are all but sometimes when grief is intertwined in the wave it's hard to see the adventure or excitement. This time I can feel it. I'm inspired lately. But there's also the element of leaving your comfort - your "safe" four walls - the distraction that is fear can tell so many stories to make you forget the beauty of the wave. 

I had a day today just sitting in my emotions - retelling stories - more false than true - glorifying - longing for - creating dialogue for something that wasn't this - right here. I was listening to one of Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic podcasts and she was talking about how we get lost - busy living life something other plays - potential lives/storylines. She said to write down on a piece of paper "the action is right here" I love that. My life and reality and truth are right here and no where else. Today I had a very fire sign moment seeing things as if they only affected me in that way, that change was only happening to me, that unsettling feeling of life needing to recalibrate was a unique sensation to me. Impermanence was a "me" thing. Impermanence is life - is everything.

The wave is coming and I'm holding on tight to fear - forgetting about all the adventure and excitement that always accompany fear. To embrace the wave. To honor that everyone is experiencing impermance all the time and I have to just let it go. Let the wave wash over me - refresh me.

I bought a ticket and I'm going on a journey in January. It's just my way - it's my truth - to seek - to accept my fear - to stay curious - to travel lands - to find questions - to keep practicing releasing into impermanence. 

So grateful for these movements/motions that bring such brilliant moments of clarity.

.silent truths.

There are quiet random moments thay remind me I have been stripped of everything - this has been my greatest gift and greatest challenge. And then I heard myself say:

Dive into yourself and see what you discover. 
Stop saying sorry. 
Be kind to yourself and to other but don't give away yourself. 
Take jumps off of cliffs but also sit alone in the forest. 
Let the sun warm your soul but be brave to truly feel the bitter cold. 
Love freely - openly, don't rely on your selfish heart - find a path to that deep well of love that never judges or runs dry. Find the deepest love and gratitude for yourself and be honored at any love that comes from outside - without expectations. 

Find peace in impermanence. 
Find forgiveness in impermanence. 
Find roots in impermanence.