31 December 2015

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I LOVE the transition into the NEW YEAR - it's so refreshing to me. I'm a nomad, of course my favorite time of year is going to the beginning! I was also a birth worker for a time so I really love new beginnings - birth - the sweet first moments - the possibilities - the dreams - the energy!

I'm thinking so many things right now on the the last day of 2015. I'm thinking I can't believing I'm getting on a plane tomorrow for PORTUGAL! I'm thinking I can't believe that is was 10 years ago that I started this nomadic journey of a life. I'm thinking this year has been so beautiful - in such a raw personal way. I'm thinking where do I want to go in 2016?

I posted this quote last year, but I'm posting it again because it's SO good and SO true. It's time to make a decision - embarking on the new year - what are you going to take? what are you going to do? where are you going to go? what do you WANT?

“These are times of decision, of change, of choice….it’s time for something to go, something to be removed. Anything that is inhibiting, holding us back, it can be a belief it can person, it can be a job, it can be a country…It can be anything that is holding us back. Now needs to go…it’s like we are being stripped of our known familiar sense of security, sense of identity, sense of who I am.”

“…So what is coming up now for so many of us is a new future…birth of the new always requires the separation from the known, familiar, secure past. It can be beautiful, it’s a flowering, it’s an opening, it’s a creation, and it can be very scary…

“…Now is the time for planning this future, and it’s a very good time for doing that and preparing ourselves…the ship’s gonna leave the port, the new paradigm is going to take off, and now we are packing our bags and have to decide what to leave and what to take….you cannot take everything with you. Now it’s time to choose.” 

TEN YEARS ago I was freaking out sitting in LAX at midnight with all the lights out, there was only about 20 people around. I had a moment of wondering if the airport was actually closed - if we were stranded and I just wasn't able to understand the announcement in Spanish. I arrived in Mexico in the early morning hours of the new year feeling sick to my stomach - why did I ever want to come to an unknown town where they speak an unknown language for 10 weeks?! I continued to freak out for the first few weeks and felt like crying everytime someone tried to ask me something that I didn't understand (despite years of Spanish classes) but I figured it. I feel in love. I was forever changed by that tiny unknown town where they spoke that unknown language. Here I am again 10 years later starting the new year in an airplane flying off to an unknown town where they speak and unknown language. I had my obligatory freakout moment yesterday and called my Mom. WHAT was I thinking? 8 weeks? I don't even speak Portuguese? Why did I think that was a good idea? She reminded me (as she always does) this is who I am - this is what I do - I seek - I explore - I challenge myself. 

Sometimes I feel like life is so overwhelming and complex and other times it just feels beautiful. It just feels beautiful right now - to be scared - to be able to have found my art - to be able to have the freedom to travel - to be able to have found a town that I am really going to miss while I am away - to be able to hear my true voice - to be able to start to accept myself for who I am. I let go of some labels this year that has allowed me to be right here. 

I'm taking these words into this new year. To continue to honor and respect myself for WHO I AM in my purest (ever evolving) form. To STOP hiding behind things - To STOP reaching outwards - To STOP choosing others over myself . To let go of the lies and root into myself so deeply that I can't get lost.

"All these years of practice have made you a master of pretending to be what you think you are. And that distorted image of yourself is really your grave, because the real you is not the one who is living your life.

“And who is living your life? …Is it the real you who judges yourself and punishes yourself… Is it the real you who abuses your body? Is it the real you who doesn’t even like yourself? Is it really the real you who is dreaming all that? No, it’s not the real you.”

“When you recover awareness, you resurrect and come back to life."

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