11 March 2015

the patterns of unawareness

Our bodies are so amazing. I am continually amazed by mine because I always limit my understanding of its capacity. I had one of those amazed moments yesterday.

I had an acupuncture treatment yesterday. It was so relaxing. I experienced a soft flow of vibrations in my hands, feet and forehead during and after I felt super relaxed and open. I went home and about an hour afterwards I had this emotional purge. I started crying - crying without any tangible reason, crying without a feeling a relief until it was just gone. I called my sister and while I was talking about it I suddenly had clarity. One aha! moment and then another, realizing these patterns of unawareness in my life. Whoa. I've never had an experience like this before. It was as if I had to rid the emotions out of my body to be able to truly see them.

From this I realized that my reactiveness towards my job was really a reaction towards an old wound that I was feeling. An old wound with many similarities to my current situation. I have been judging myself for having such strong reactions to little things and seeking so much validation - to hear “that is horrible” “you are totally right for feeling that way” because I didn’t think my feelings were valid. Seeing that it wasn’t just this moment. It’s never just this moment, right? I could better honor and respect my feelings, work to stop seeking validation (take OFF that victim outfit) and realize that THIS IS A SIGN. I have been here before, I have felt these feelings before and I have learned this is not a space that I can grow and thrive in. 

This is The Universe reminding me to stop being comfortable - jump - take a risk - make myself vulnerable - thrive - fully express myself. No matter what. YES!

SO much gratitude for such a fierce reminder. I hope you are feeling all the Universe is sending you and I hope that you embrace the uncomfortable - sometimes painful - fierce reminders.

Reminders that we are ALIVE in this moment.
Reminders that you have something unique to give this world.
Reminders that you deserve love.

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