18 April 2012

.growing pains.

““Now,” he thought, “that all these transitory things have slipped away from me again, I stand once more beneath the sun as I once stood as a small child. Nothing is mine, I know nothing, I possess nothing, I have learned nothing…” He had to smile again. Yes, his destiny was strange! He was going backwards, and now he stood empty and naked and ignorant in the world. But he did not grieve about it no, he even felt a great desire to laugh, to laugh at himself, to laugh at this strange, foolish world”
                                                                                                                     Siddhartha, Hermann Hesse

What is it about being here that makes me forget it? My strengths, my desires, my beauty, my fierce nature, my loyal heart. I feel like I’ve lost my footing. Then again I’m shedding my old ways, old clothes, old flesh – so with this BIRTH – NEWNESS in matters of the heart, I feel weak. I need to remember that this IS the process, the growing pains.
I can feel it all – thank goodness. I am human. I am alive. APPRECIATE my feelings. RELISH this chance to grow. EXPOSE MYSELF – CONNECT – CHALLENGE a normal LIFE.

I had two new but dear friends over for an impromptu dinner party on Monday night. We ate nsima and beans by candlelight (well, there really isn’t any other options at my powerless house) and sipped fresh lime cocktails while chatting about philosophy, the Dalai Lama, culture, ideas...I felt so connected. They truly fed my soul. We ended the night lying on my “lawn” on a grass woven mat taking in the magnitude of the night sky and watching for shooting stars (I saw 5!). It was so beautiful and powerful- to connect with the world, connect with another soul, to allow the present moment be ENOUGH. I’m grateful. I hope you too are finding sweet moments like this in your life. 

Love to each and every one of you.

p.s. have you read Siddhartha? it's a beautiful read, one of my faves actually.

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