The process of creating/creation/creativity is one I have traveled so many times and yet it seems that I still find myself reacting to the ebb and flow of it all. I am back in the studio. I am so excited to be back in the studio and actively creating wares. Whenever I return to a studio space after a while I have to find my rhythm and balance all over again. The process of creating. My emotions flow from excitement to overwhelmed to overstimulated to frustrated to angry to emotional victim (in the worst/most stressed situations!) and then...balance.
I was commissioned to make earrings and a pendant for the holidays. I have a tight deadline to get them in the mail and a very busy work/life schedule this month. Last night I went into the studio late to “finish” the earrings and start on the pendant. It had already been a very long day and I had already restarted the earrings 4 times. I was quickly transitioning from a place of frustration to anger. I started finishing up the earrings with polish but something still didn’t feel right. I was in the final polish phase and one of the prongs broke off. I was so frustrated. It was late and realizing I was going to start the earrings all over for the 5th time. I called my sister for some design/logistic support, as I always do. I was so tired and just started listing off all the reasons I could validate my victim label…I haven’t had enough time, I haven’t been in the studio for a while, I don’t have the materials I needed, I don’t like working with stones, I don’t have a local store to go to, I have too much work this week, I have too much going on, I am not inspired in the city….just feeling the role of emotional victim establish roots in my mind and body. I started to hear what I was saying and started feeling the knot in my stomach tighten as I added to the long list of victim validations. It wasn't working. It wasn't helping. I wasn't moving forward. I went back to my bench and pushed the earrings aside and started working on the pendant because it knew where I wanted to go with the pendant. I started feeling stronger and confident in the piece. I felt energized to be progressing on it. I ended up staying super late but I finished the pendant and started working on the earrings. A design idea/solution for the earrings came to me as I was finishing up the pendant.
I realized/acknowledged for the first time in a while that this is just the process of creating/creation/creativity. It’s the ebb flow of things but when I hold onto a phase or react it only dampens the process and holds me back. I was graciously reminded to let go. To not hold on so tightly. To not react to things so strongly. I need to see one side in order to understand the other side – that is how it will always be but the emotions of that process are within my power.
And then this morning I found this on a blog I love,
“The search for security is an illusion. In ancient wisdom traditions, the solution to this whole dilemma lies in the wisdom of insecurity, or the wisdom of uncertainty.”
“This means of the search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what’s the known? The known is our past. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning. There’s no evolution in that…”
“Uncertainty, on the other hand, is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom. Uncertainty means stepping into the unknown in every moment of our existence. The unknown is the field of all possibilities, ever fresh, ever new, always open to the creation of new manifestations…”
“In your willingness to step into the unknown, you will have the wisdom of uncertainty factored in. This means that in every moment of your life, you will have excitement, adventure, mystery…”
“When you experience uncertainty, you are on the right path so don’t give it up. You don’t need to have a complete and rigid idea of what you’ll be doing next week or next year, because if you have a very clear idea of what’s going to happen and you get rigidly attached to it, then you shut out the whole range of possibilities…”
I need to remember to be more open to this journey. To let the process take me where I need to go. Whether I am in the studio or at work or with the newness of 2015 - it's all the same lesson.
YES YES YES!
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