She came in three times yesterday for labor checks and 3 times earlier in the week, by herself or with an acquaintance. Emotional, confused, tired, isolated - she reacts strongly to her contractions and has a hard time letting go when they pass. She came in for her last labor check in the early morning hours. Bracing herself at the front door before she entered with her bleach dyed hair flowing long and full of wild curls. She looked ravenous - distraught - fervent.
As we were walking her to a room she braced herself against the wall for another contraction and when it had passed she looked up with huge silent tears running down her face and it hit me. The overwhelming honor of being allow into this space - into this ceremony - to hold her hand and breathe her through the greatest transition - death of herself and the birth of a mother.
tu eres fuerte.
I sat with her for almost two hours watching with every contractions as she resisted her body until finally she decided to say yes - to give in to the pain - to face her fear - to let it go.
I was amazed to my deepest being by this birth. To really see that it was the moment she stopped resisting - the very darkest moment that brought life. To really see her body waiting for her to accept this transition - to be a Mother.
Birth is hard.
Birth is intense.
But above all Birth Matters.