.new beginnings.

Today was the first day of class. I'm officially a midwifery student. 

The day was powerful and intense. I found my mind drifting between scared out of my mind to overflowing with joy. We had a ceremonial sister circle to start the day to welcome this new beginning by sharing our stories. It was fulfilling and draining to hear it all and to be present (vulnerable) through it all (we don't offer do that.). One Midwife shared that it was the death of her Mother that brought her to Midwifery. 

The complex connection between strength and weakness, life and death, I felt it. I feel it. 

I thought about the loss that I have experienced this past year. That loss has been the preparation (rebirth) - the vulnerability to be at a place to say "YES, I'll leave it all behind". It still hurts/aches/throbs when I try to hold onto it. When I get lost in the then versus the now. 

When I try to change it. 
When I won't let it be (go). 

I wouldn't have been able to say yes without the striping of some very strong pillars that have been in my life. Some of those pillars are gone, transformed, or at least not main weight barriers anymore. It's beautiful and painful. 

There is so much death in this rebirth and some much rebirth in this dead. 

So much love to each and every one of you.