.myth busters.

Cultural practices among the Yao (a tribe in the south region of Malawi) prohibit a Man from having sex with his Partner while she is in her last trimester (months 7-9) in order to prevent “damaging” the fetus.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, not just in Southern Malawi but all over the world men are afraid of “hurting” the baby during sexual intercourse. Well, world I hope you are listening as well as the Traditional Authority and Village Chiefs were listening yesterday during our Safe Motherhood Training…the fetus is not located in the vaginal canal but the uterus! This is a tid-bit that I was thrilled to enlighten our trainees with at the ripe age of 50+ (now is better than never??).

Moments like this remind me how much I love and WHY I love maternal/reproductive health…because we hardly know anything about our bodies. We drew a picture showing that connecting the vulva and the cervix is the amazing vaginal canal. Physiologically there is no “danger” of having sex up until birth of your baby. (Tid-bit: This can actually stimulate labor when a mother is overdue.) The only time that this would actually cause a risk would be if the amniotic sac had ruptured, introducing the risk of infection.

Although, let’s not fail to mention expecting Moms emotionally are experiencing a kaleidoscope of emotions and may in fact notice an increase, decrease sex drive or no difference at all. Sex should ALWAYS be respectful and consensual between partners!!

If the vaginal canal is “old news” to you, BUT you are still concerned about “hitting” the baby well rest assured that the “average” (I hate using that word because there is NO average vagina but unique and wonderful not matter what color, shape, or style she is or wears.) is about 2.5-3 inches in length and can expand and elongate to 4 or more inches. Here is a helpful hint: when sexually aroused the vagina not only elongates and expands but the cervix will lift, so add a routine of foreplay and increase the satisfaction for all involved.

The more YOU know.

.enjoy the process and let go of the results..

where we held the trainings. nsanama, malawi.

It’s been a beautiful journey this past week, feeling, reacting, and letting it go. We had 5 full days of training that covered everything from birth preparedness to family planning to how to conduct a home visit with Chiefs, Traditional Birth Attendants, Community Health Workers, and Religious Leaders. In a moment I could have said what a great gift to Machinga District this has been and in the next criticize it all, but if I’ve absorbed anything during these past almost 7 months it’s that everything has purpose. It’s just my narrow bias mind that sometimes has trouble finding it, but that’s because the purpose is far greater than I.   

Enjoy the process and let go of the results. 

Gertrude, the Safe Motherhood Coordinator teaching "Kangaroo Mother Care"
a method used for premature and low-birth weight babies.

Patricia, the Family Planning Coordinator
drawing  the female reproductive organs!!

Next week we will have a second and final training. It will be the conclusion of my grant, my “job description” but when I focus on the imperfections of the “results” I’m taking away all the power that I found in the process. A process that challenged me like never before, a journey that opened my eyes to a world outside of myself, and given me a taste what balance from an authentic life CAN feel like. So today and next week I am going to work on letting go of the results and give my energy in form a gratitude for the process. 

Highlights from training: 

My sweet sweet Azamba (Traditional Birth Attendant) that took me in,
and gave me sweet smiles, daily hugs, and fruit from her garden.
(p.s. I was sick this week and this picture shows it...)

*Learning that the Traditional Authority swears Coca-Cola is the “magic drug” for contractions. 

*Watching the look of amazement on the face of local Chiefs while the Family Planning coordinator drew a picture of the female reproductive organs.

*Having the Traditional Birth Attendants lead us in song and dance before every snack break.

Aid is aiding, but is that ENOUGH?

The first two Maternal Health Task force meetings went off without a hitch. 

Last Monday we met with the Traditional Authority and 42 Community Health Workers, Influential leaders, and Traditional Birth Attendants to conduct a baseline survey on the realities of perceived services and access to care in this area. Then on Tuesday we were back in another area of the district to meet with another Traditional Authority and 40 Community Health Workers, Influential leaders, and Traditional Birth Attendants. It was full days, which after so much “down time” I feel little high to be so stimulated. During the meetings I had waves of emotion passing through me. Excitement that THIS was actually happening, frustration at the lack of sustainability instilled into this structures, gratefulness for despite it all having landed in the lap on a power team of health providers that have supported and walked me through this journey, anger at aid and how America thinks that by throwing our money at “the poor, meek, and tired” we can “save” a life, and a little numb from it all. It’s hard to explain. 

Without living, breathing, feeling, seeing, touching, tasting the reality (and let me remind MYSELF this these biased conclusions I’m eluding to are only based on 6 months of structure and I should know better than to build my house on such a weak structure…) it’s hard to explain this without sounding bitter or ungrateful, but let me tell you I feel neither. More so, my sentiments in sharing this are it to present my truths and my questions. 

Aid is aiding, but is that enough? It’s like going through the motions of life. Yes, you are living breathing but are you truly living?

Many years ago when NGOs first presented in Malawi there was this concept to provide a “lunch allowance” for participants of the meeting (WHO thought of this??) . This was to supplement their time. But I’m sure as you can imagine anyone that would hear of this would enjoy the idea of being supplemented, which leads to attendance becoming dependent on allowances and how much the allowances are…What’s wrong with that? Well, if people are only coming for allowances then can it be assumed that some people are only coming for allowances (aka not interested in the matter at hand!!)? And some great projects/ideas are not being shared/happening because there just aren’t funds for allowances. 



So sitting at the meetings those negative thoughts crept into my mind and spread like wild fire: are people invested? Do these people even care? Are YOU here just for the allowance? I caught myself. WHO is this person? When did I turn into the bad cop or God for that matter, judging a person’s motives? Just when I think I’ve rid myself of the “Ugly American” there she is AGAIN. Ugh. I took a deep breath and let it go.

Feel it all. Let it go.

Because this isn’t about me, it never was. For some reason I was given this opportunity and with luck, passion, and Moreen Ntambo I was granted $10,000.00 USD to help begin to form Maternal Health Task forces. No not everyone is going to be as emotional about the matter as I, but there is beauty in the details and nuances (as I thought I had learnt). The importance can be found in merely the presentation. The training of Safe Motherhood practices will be taking place this week and next. That is enough. For this time, this moment, this purpose. That is enough. 

But the heart says despite my minds logic, is that enough? Is this conversation? The meetings? The trainings? My heart says no, but in 9 months, in a meeting, with one policy, one newspaper article, one donation can I fairly challenge for more? Can I give so little and ask for so much? 

I don’t know.


*************
update: I just read this quote : 

"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. 

But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning."

- Lao Tzu

I think the uni-verse is trying to tell me something.

.full moon.

"Don't give up hope. In these difficult times the sun still rises, there is light on the water, 
and the full moon shines, once a month, in the dark sky."
 Patricia Harman.

Last night the full moon was so bright beaming into my room. Life here feels so connected, seasonal, and authentic. I started thinking about all the things I was going to miss when I go/all the things I am grateful for. The sun rising to wake me in the mornings, the view of the valley, the electric sunsets, the climb up the hill, and the full moon that shines so bright once a month into my room keeping me company as I drift to sleep.


This past Saturday marked 6 months in Malawi and I felt it. It was like it clicked, the awkwardness, the unknown, the "time", the chaos...it seems smoother today, like I've let it go a little bit, like maybe it could all make sense, maybe I could fall in love, maybe I could put my heart into this, maybe I could get past the discomforts and enjoy the now. 

This week started with a visit to the Support Group herbal garden, which was amazing. In just one week they had planted all the seeds, finished the fence, and labelled the plants. I was so proud! We finished the meeting with a presentation on balanced diets.

Then Monday and Tuesday we had our first orientation/focus group meetings for Maternal Health Task Forces in the two Traditional Authorities! It was everything all at once. I'm not even sure how I felt about it all, but it wasn't about me . It started a conversation which was the point of it all and next week will begin the training for forming Safe Motherhood Community Groups. 

Mrs. Ntambo, the powerhouse behind the whole Maternal Health Taskforce! 

Wow. 6 months, but the moment arrived just in time for me to see it, feel it, understand it, and allow it to recharge me! 


Beauty is all around us. I hope you open your eyes and SEE it today.