.the waiting place.

I find myself in the waiting place. It's a place we continue to find ourselves in life if we are present. We all experience the waiting place over and over again in small and big ways but there are so many distractions to provide an illusion that we can bypass the waiting place but with all seasons there is pause and transition.

This waiting place feels big and expansive, more unknown that I've ventured before. 

40 weeks +1 after a late night of rolling contractions, for awhile I thought today would be the day with the baby earthside, but around 3am things started to slow and dissipate to a silent pause, waiting again. So today, I'm gifted another day of slowness of waiting. 

How do we inhabit and hold this space - this gift and challenge? To exist in the unknown is such a real way. 

Like the waiting place, we are always in the unknown but the crossing from here to there - women to mother feels like the biggest leap. It's not really a leap though. As this deep expansive birth calls me in it's starting to feel more like a deep journey down into the darkness - into the silence - into the stretching of what my body feels like, the softness of my mind, the disillusion of time. The slow warm up between this being and I, to connect and start this big work together to leave his first home and come greet this world. To the next phase of learning how to live out here with us in this wild place, but for now - big pause. I've already left the waiting place. 

For right now, the waiting place is holding me. I can allow it to cradle me to be soft and sink deep in or I can resist. I'm trying to just be held by it. To enjoy and remember that life is all exerpeince, there is no real qualifications to put on it - good or bad - right or wrong - just being here in this moment. To be open to observe. To allow myself to be grateful to experience this place. It goes against so much to be open to it. It demands I unwind myself from my linear brain and desire to connect and compare. 

I don't know how long I'll be in this waiting place. I'm just here. I'm already learning though, I'm grateful for that. If I'm allowed more time I know my learning will deepen. Yesterday the big learning was to just enjoy it. To think of a yummy dinner and to watch a movie and to let myself release the day. 

My son was born January 7th. I wrote this 3 days before he was born.