.expectations.

Expectations.

Always seem to sneak up into my mind without me even noticing. This weekend I was still on the mend from the flu and embracing this cold weather I delved into myself and spent 14 hours between Saturday and Sunday in the jewelry studio working on a new collection that is slowly revealing itself to me. It's really magical to watch the process unfold and feel myself tense up and let go as the  pieces morph into what they will become. BUT expectations. Saturday right in the middle of that strong free flowing river of creative energies something occurred that made my body tense up, heart sink and my eye well up. The shift in energy was so dramatic. 

What happened?

I knew exactly what happened. I didn't get what I wanted. I gave something with hidden expectations. When it was returned NOT in the way I wanted I gave it all my disappointment/energy. This is a thing that I do. I keep looking outside. I keep grabbing onto something. I keep doing things for something. I woke up this morning and was graciously reminded that nothing is going to come back in the exact way that I want/need/expect. By giving out all my good energies with expectations I only end up draining myself.

Stop running away from myself. Stop searching outside of myself.

When I acknowledge that love/validation can only be found inside of myself ONLY then I can appreciate anything that IS given to me as gift - love. To truly realize that I am receiving the best that can be given (which will most likely be different than I want/expect) in that moment  - the best, that is beautiful. 

Oh winter I don't know if you have even taught me so many lessons.
Much Love.